A Baby?!

A couple of things have happened in the last several weeks that I neglected to write posts.  I apologize about that...I have been super busy!
Anyway, an update from the Kid-fisto and Luminarah love story, Luminarah has finally fallen for Kid-fisto!  Let me explain: I suggested to him that we try a new strategy and buy Luminarah candy.  I suggested those new chocolate covered peanuts (I love those!) but he seemed strangely unenthused and didn't want to follow my suggestion.  He said that I had been enough trouble already.  Imagine that!  I do all I can to help him and doesn't appreciate it!  Anyway, we sent her the peanuts with a note that said from Kid-fisto and I let it be to see what happened.  The next day, I asked Kid and he said that they were dating now!  I said, "Must have been those peanuts!  The best way to win a girl's heart is candy!"
He said that actually, she was allergic to peanuts and at one whiff from the bag, had started sneezing and whatnot.  But she had felt so sorry for Kid-fisto, who being a simple guy, had fallen prey to the clutches of Anikin Skywriter and had come into mishap after mishap.  (Those were her words, not mine...)  It seems she did some investigating and found out from Ki Adi Mundee who was doing all this for Kid-fisto.  I don't think counseling is my thing...

Anyway, now onto the really good news!  Lea and Hon are having a BABY!  I shall have a grandson before long! well, a little longer than not very long...  But still, he's on his way!  I asked them what they would name him and they said that even if they knew, it would still be a secret until his birth.  (I hate it when people do that...)  I suggested that they name him a J name.  You know... PJ (Padmae Junior) or if it's a guy, AJ (Anikin Junior.)  I don't know if they liked those ideas very much though.

New Plan

Lately I have been counseling Kid-fisto to use the direct approach: buy Luminarah flowers.  But this time, I'm going to try the smooth approach, since that is far more sophisticated (and Luminarah is all tired of flowers with weird bits of poetry on them.)  The smooth approach is managing to get Luminarah in danger and having Kid-fisto save her!  I consider it completely brilliant!  So yesterday I went to the Sithe Superstore and I bought a couple of refurbished battle droids.  They cost me a fortune but maybe Kid-fisto won't be too hard on them and I can put them in my room or something.  Anyway, later on in the day, Luminarah was going on her daily walk in the park.  I was hiding in the bushes.  I turned on my droids and let them go.  I had made sure that Luminarah did not have a lightsaber on before I did so.  The droids began shooting their stun guns at her and here came Kid-fisto swinging on a rope like Tarzan.  He let go at the wrong moment and went flying into the midst of the droids.  While he was untangling himself (and getting stunned all over the place) Luminarah came in with her umbrella, wielding it like a lightsaber, and knocked those battle droids silly!  Kid-fisto went home a defeated (and numb) man.  I guess I can still recycle the remains of those droids...

Darth Sideous Gets Involved

He would, wouldn't he?  He somehow heard about Kid-fisto's love of Luminarah and we found out that he wants Kid to get married too.  He must have an amazing brain!  (Or that spy droid I saw yesterday may have something to do with it...)  Anyway, he has ulterior motives for his desire that Luminarah marry Kid-fisto.  Luminarah is a dangerous jeddi to the sithe and their droids.  I guess he figures that if she marries, she would become soppy.  I don't know how much truth there is in this, but regardless, he is now officially involved.
Darth Hideous, his uncle who owns that movie production company, came up with some disgusting poetry and they sent her some flowers under Kid-fisto's name.  The poetry went like this, "I think you are awesome, I hope our love will blossom."
Bleah.  They couldn't do better than that?  Anyway, that was another bouquet that went into the trash...

Everbody Loves Flowers!

Well, as you know, Kid-Fisto wants me...okay, LET me counsel him in his love affair with Luminarah.  Unfortunately, this is unrequited love.  Luminarah doesn't seem to notice that he exists!  Don't worry, the old Anikin charm will fall into place to help Kiddo!  I suggested that he buy her flowers.  He thought it was a good idea.  So yesterday, we sent her a bunch of daffodils with a note: "From a secret friend you don't know you got, Luminarah, I like you a lot!"
That bit of beautiful poetry was my doing.  Maybe I should become a poet!
Kid-Fisto wasn't too excited about it, but I told him that the poetry would just hit the spot!  I didn't know how much...I saw Luminarah throw them in the garbage later and mumble something like, "It must be a prank."  Women do react strangely to charm sometimes...

It Fits Me, I Must Say

Well, we're back!  That was an exciting vacation!  Already things are getting hectic back here!
As you know, Kid-Fisto has a crush on Luminarah.  Well, Ki-Adi-Mundee has decided that it is a hopeless case.  (One of the things Mr. Lucas goofed on in making the movies was that Jeddi are not forbidden to marry, they are just not encouraged to as it normally doesn't work out.  Jeddi tend to be workaholics.)  Ki-Adi-Mundee gave up Kid because Luminarah is a serious Jeddi with no intention of living the rest of her life with a man...especially if he is Kid-Fisto; the poor guy isn't overly bright.
Anyway, a person with my charm has this kinda thing down.  I have now taken the job of counseling him.  Wish me luck!

Busy Vacation so far

We got here late Tuesday morning.  I know, I know.  That means it took us a total of 18 hours to get to the beach.  A normally 3 hour trip (by speeder) we took 6 TIMES that amount because of Hon!
Okay...let me elaborate.  The whole crew of us guys started a little late because Obi-Won suggested that we go to Jeddi Mart before we started.  He said that he forgot his umbrella and the girls would look pretty silly if a hurricane came through while we were there and they didn't have umbrellas!
I didn't mention that umbrellas wouldn't be a very sturdy protection against hurricanes, so we humored him.  Then, we got started.  Everything was going dandy until we got to this fork in the road.  (Don't make a joke about picking it up...Master Quigone wore that one out...)
Hon had Wendoogled it and he said that we should take a left.  I said that that was impossible because my GPS said we needed to go right!  He was adamant, but I, being the driver, made the executive decision and went right.
Of course, we got lost.  I kept trying to follow my GPS but I think the poor deary was lost!  She had no idea where she was going!  (I think I may need to get that thing repaired!)  Anyway, I kept saying we should have taken a left and I kept retorting sarcastic things in return.  Then Master Obi-Won called out, "Dinner time!"
We went through the drive thru of a McDukoo's (don't tell Wendu) and continued to drive.
Hon asked if I would give him a try at driving.  I asked if he thought he knew more than a seasoned Jeddi.  He said, "Just gimme the wheel!"  So while we were switching places Chewy spilled his Diet Jawa Juice because of Hon climbing over him.  (Don't tell Wendu that either.  These are the Jeddi buses.  I'll have to get it steam cleaned.)
We drove and drove around and then we finally decided to go back to the fork and start by going left.
It looked like we were going the right way when Obi-Won noticed that we were passing the McDukoo's we had stopped at before.  He called out, "Breakfast time everybody!"  (I think the owner of that franchise was delighted at the influx of business!)  We ordered Chewy water this time.
We got back on the road and finally arrived at the beach at 10:00 AM.  I had to rest for a couple of days.  I thought vacations were supposed to be restful!  But thanks to Master Quigone's jokes about forks, my bad GPS, Hon for a navigator, Obi-Won with a constantly increasing appetite, and a Wookee with bad hands, I have had a very eventful "vacation" already!  The moral of the story is: never carpool with this many people...

A Larger Group Than Expected

As I have stated, tomorrow we are embarking on our quest for sun, relaxation, and enjoyment at the beach!  Unfortunately, it won't be just our four person family...(okay, 5 if you count Hon who has become part of our fam.)  Hon asked yesterday if he could bring his co-pilot.  (Chewy)  I said sure!!!  Absolutely!  But I mumbled under my breath that we may have to strap the big fella on top of the ship.  Hon overheard this comment and suggested that we ship-pool.  I said that would be a good idea!  Luke, Padmae, and myself will go in our ship and Hon and his contingent could arrive by his ship.
But, as plans so often have the tendency of doing, these changed.  Obi-Won overheard where we were going and it turned out that he had rented a beach house for this next week too!  So he asked if he could shippool with us too.  I conceded but continued to calculate the increasing lack of room in our ships.  Master Quigone wants to come too because he has a timeshare at this beach.  He said, "What in this galaxy could be more fun than spending a whole week at the beach with this many people?"
I don't consider myself a person possessing a large amount of intellect, but I believe I could think of a couple more fun ways to spend a week.  But there was no turning back now.
Now the grand total of people coming to the beach with us is Asoka, Padmae, Lea, Luminara, Luke, Master Obi-Won, Master Quigone, Chewy, Hon, Kid-fisto (when he heard that Luminara was coming)  Wedgie, and Me.  Because of the vast volume of people, we had to use the Jeddi buses.  The fun thing is that the guys are going in one van together and the girls in another.  Now, I'm no genius, but knowing girls, I think they will probably get there a couple of months before us...

Something Happening...FINALLY!

Finally something is happening to me!  We are going on a family road trip next week.  Luke's classes start the week after that.
We are going to the beach.  FUN FUN FUN!  My GPS is causing trouble, but I think I will be able to get it working by then.

I apologize for the lack of posts for 2 months!  I have now started again!

Unexpected Surprise

While this title may sound redundant, it....is.  But I sometimes feel that redundancy is needed for emphasis.  Master Siri has hired me to watch the security videos of the library to find out if any books have been stolen lately.  They haven't, but as the video's come with sound, I have found a lot of different things...some I wish I didn't know.
I found out that Master Yoduh and Master Wendu are currently arguing about the former's need to be in a nursing home....in several centuries or so.  Master Yoduh's conviction is that he will be just as spry at 1300 years old as he is at 300.  I will see how this one pans out.
I also found that Kid Fisto has a crush on Luminaura.  Master Ki-Adi-Mundee is counseling him.  It appears that perhaps we may soon have another Jeddi to blaze the trail of mixing matrimony and the ways of a jeddi.  Again, I will elaborate as I learn more.
One more thing that I found out is that Master Obi-Won is fixing up a deal with a Miracle Hair Grow company to help them with their advertising campaign.  As his hair is falling out, they figured he would be perfect.  Jeddi are not supposed to have attachment, but Master Obi is rather attached to his hair.  He figures this would be a great way to get some free Miracle Hair Grow (which happens to cost an arm and a leg at retail price.)
I didn't know I would find such a wealth of entertainment just from taking the boring job of watching the security cameras.  This is fun!

Changes

Yesterday, we got back home from our survival trip.  It was quite an exciting episode.  I'm glad it's over.

It appears that Siri put some people to work so that while we were all gone, things would get done around the Jeddi temple.  First of all, she scheduled the installation of security cameras because recently, books have been getting stolen from the Jeddi library.  I just think that installing voice recorders on them was a little much.  She also hired people to install a new gaming system in the recreation room.  You won't be finding me complaining about that!  Anyway, things never get boring around here!

12 Jeddi on the Lake

Today we had our Jeddi fishing trip.  It went alright.  We split up in four canoes.  Master Wendu, Master Yoduh, and I were in one together.  If you think that that sounds like a recipe for disaster, you are perfectly correct.  Master Wendu and I don't exactly think alike, so our canoe spun around for about 23 minutes before we finally shot it towards the middle of the lake where the water is most abundant.  Master Yoduh, being an old LGM and all, didn't do much rowing.  He just gathered all the bait and put it on our hooks for us.  When we got to the middle of the lake, all the Jeddi were catching magnificent fish and I was dying to try my luck.  But I had a secret plan.  I happen to know, after feeding all the fish in Watow's shop (he had them to entertain customers while he cheated them) that fish LOVE donuts.   It doesn't matter if they get wet.  Fish of all varieties love these fried beauties.  So I scrounged up a quarter donut under the sand at the edge of the lake earlier today and then while on the canoe, I took it out of my pocket and put my hook and bait (oh what bait!) in the water.
It appears that fish of all varieties have a deep liking for donuts.  Unfortunately, the bigger ones happen to get to any major attraction first.  We had a fish the size of master Yoduh in the boat with us within 30 seconds!  He had about 60 teeth I could shave with and the meanest eyes this side of Hades!
He was so big and for those who don't know, you can ONLY have 3 people in a canoe or else it will topple over.  And topple it did!
Master Wendu was in shock and was especially afraid because he has aquaphobia and (apparently) a phobia of large fish.  Master Ki-Adi-Mundee's canoe with Plo-Koon and Master Obi-Won in it came over and helped us get our canoe situated properly.
I think that something nibbled me down there because my toes have teeth marks.  Anyway, that is the last time I spend a perfectly good Thursday on the lake!

Search for Food

A gruesome tale, yes.  But a necessary one if you are to understand how hard it is for 12 jeddi to camp in the wilderness. 
We began to be hungry yesterday after the picnic basket that Master Obi-Won found emptied.  So we collected bugs of every variety available.  Master Wendu would have pulled out his hair if he had had any (hmm...that could be the reason he's bald) because he has been trying to get us to be "tough stuff"  or rather, "outdoor's guys."  We can claim that title if we are chicken of hunting.  Anyway, the only variety of bug we could find was the beetle.  A little crunchy, but they have a nice, salty flavor when roasted...very akin to chicken, I think.
Friday is the last day of our camping trip.  Tomorrow we will take a fishing trip.  I don't know why, but I have a bad feeling about this...

Obstacle Course Of Course

Yep.  It was very exciting.  Master Wendu set up walls for us to climb over.  He also strung a rope across the lake that we would have to crawl on. 
Master Obi-Won found an abandoned picnic basket and we all ate hearty for breakfast!  The fried chicken was a little stale but nevertheless, it tasted better than any wild turkey or mongoose we could have killed.  Unfortunately, I had more of the picnic delicacies than anyone else and I had a hard time climbing up the wall.  Master Ki-Adi-Mundee helped me out and then we moved on to the rope.  Everyone made it across except me.  My weight caught up with my muscles about half-way across and I kerplunked in the middle of the lake.  It wouldn't have been so bad if the snapping turtles in that area weren't so aggressive!
Then we moved on to a race Master Wendu had set up.  It appears this is what took him so long yesterday.  He made these traps that could fit a whole man and then covered them up with a thin layer of sticks and leaves.  All the other Jeddi went so fast that when they got to the traps, they went right over them.  Master Wendu wasn't disappointed, however.  Mr. Fried-Chicken-Belly fell into about half of them.  2 hours later, when I got past the obstacle (and the rest of the Jeddi council had a good laugh) we moved on to the final test: standing on a ledge over the lake and having a Jeddi council member catch you.  This was the true test of trust in other members of the council.  We would be pushed off the edge by Master Wendu and then someone would catch us.  Everybody was caught and saved from a wet landing.  I, however, wasn't so lucky.  Master Wendu pushed me off, I landed into Plo-Koon's arms and he was embraced heartily by the cold waters of the lake.  Apparently, picnic food isn't the lightest stuff in the world.
I don't know what we will do today, but I hope it will be a little less...tiring..........

BTW: Some may be wondering how I can write posts when I wasn't allowed to bring any electronics on this trip.  Well, I smuggled a cell phone into my backpack.  Master Wendu found it yesterday, but I told him that I only use it for posts.  He didn't seem to mind.......

A Pretty Boring Day All Around...

Yesterday, Master Wendu spent the whole day working on an obstacle course for us to do.  He said that it would build our trust in one another.  The only negative was that he took so long that we began to suspect that he had made a beeline for the bus station 19 miles from camp.  We were pretty bored.  We weren't allowed to bring any electronics so my gameboy had to stay at home.  I invented a new version of marbles however, using acorns instead of marbles.  The only problem was that one never knew which way the acorns would go and he would have to use his force powers to pull it back on track.  After we tired of that we sat around in lawn chairs bragging about our midiclorian counts.  We were seriously bored!  We haven't done that since I first joined the council.  But as they say, desperate times call for desperate measures.
Finally we got hungry so we rummaged in everyone's backpacks to see if anyone else had brought a backup pizza or something.  No one had.  So we roasted and at the acorns that we used for our game.
Today promises to be more exciting.  I just don't know how much.

The Big Outdoors.

Yesterday was the first day in our "Jeddi Camping/Survival Trip" as we have come to call it after yesterday's events.  It started out okay.  Except for me having to carry master Yoduh because of his arthritis, we all felt pretty good.  We had all 12 of the Jeddi council members (plus Luke) on the trip.  Each of us was told to bring some necessities of life for the first day.  After that, we would try to find all the provisions in the forest.  (We are camping in the Itchy, Dark, Dank, and Prickly Forest of Nabu's north.  I know it's a long name but don't look at me!  Anyway, forests aren't exactly plentiful on Coriscaunt, so we had to come to my neighborhood.)
Siri was told to bring the tents.  Obi Won was in charge of the fire making tools.  Yoduh was in charge of bringing flashlights for everyone.  We didn't need weapons because (as I remember mentioning more than 8 times) every Jeddi with a brain the size of a lima bean or bigger is sure to bring his lightsaber everywhere.
I was in charge of bringing food for the first day.  After that, we would catch and kill every thing we needed.  We'll see how that works!
I brought Twinkies.  I think they are very nutritious and give one that necessary energy boost that will enable us to complete this survival trip.  For some reason, everybody complained about being hungry and I suspect that after I went to sleep, someone went out and killed a couple of wild pizzas or something.  Why?  Well, because the next morning I found pizza boxes under Ki-Adi-Mundee's sleeping bag.

                         ----------------- 30 Minutes Later -------------------

This is hilarious!  Well....it was at first.  Master Wendu just found out he forgot his lightsaber!  Remember what I said yesterday?  Well, I reminded everyone of this and we all had a good laugh.  But I think I laughed too hard because Master Wendu made me clean the dishes tonight.  Rats.

Where Does He Get These Ideas?

I'm back!  I took a break from my blog for two reasons.  1) Nothing was really happening.  2) Padmae was threatening to take me off my blog if I didn't help her around the house.  So I figured that getting off would help settle things down.
Anyway, Master Wendu came up with a great plan yesterday.  He said that he had been noticing some rifts between Jeddi as of late (no, really?) and told us he wanted us to do something.  He said that he had been visiting Lights Out Electrics the other day complaining about a bill he received.  After he worked it out with the associate, he chatted a little and found that they were going on a office trip this weekend.  They were going to camp out in the woods and their boss was going to make an obstacle course for them to go through.  They would need to work together to get past it and it was going to build a little office support.  He said that we should do that.
Hmm...I wonder how this will turn out.

Hey!  Did you notice I changed my theme for the first time since I started my blog?  Tell me what you think by commenting on this post or writing me a post on facebook!

A Super Big "Oops"!

Rats!  I made a huge mistake in my "evil plan for fast food domination."  I brought the special recipe for the Lightsaber Cafe burger to McDukoo's.  But since I didn't want to make it there (some cooks might be watching) I brought the premade burgers in a cooler and told everyone that I had gotten a little ahead for that day.  They all bought it and I put out those special burgers with a little advertisement.  Unfortunately though, the burgers that I had gotten were about 3 Million years past their due dates.  So all our customers got sick and now the Lightsaber Cafe is getting bad publicity.  All this is because of one jeddi who forgot to check the label on some premade burgers.  Let this be a warning to everyone out there: check your best by dates!
Anyway, it's obvious that I was fired.  Now I am going to have a meeting with the Jeddi council (probably to get a good lecture.)

My Brilliant Plan! Bwahaha!

Last night was my first night at McDukoo's.  I worked on the burgers in the back.  I now have an evil -- well, some might call it evil, but it is really a brilliant scheme to protect the world from the evil taste of McDukoo's burgers, and make them look for something better...like a Lightsaber Cafe burger!  So, what I am going to do next time is to make a couple of burgers using the secret recipe of the Lightsaber Cafe Deluxe and then put an advertisement in the bag with the sandwich.  This way, they will KNOW what is real quality food.  Allow me an evil laugh...  Bwahahahaha!

Tomorrow

I got rescheduled.  Tomorrow at 4 PM, I start my first day on the job at McDukoo's.  This will be fun!  I will go to the Jeddi Mart to buy my fake beard right now.

I am now a cook.

I got hired!  I am now going to work undercover!  I start tomorrow.  The best thing is that they want me to work in the kitchen.  This way I can find out which ingredients go into each Big Mac and thus serve the jeddi council to the best of my abilities (and get little tidbits of burgers along the way...)
Anyway, Padmae's not so excited.  She thinks the job will be dangerous.  I disagree.  I mean, what could happen?

That Boy!!!

Well, as you readers know, Luke got that job at Lightsabers 'R Us in February. Well, yesterday, his truck was attacked by bandits.  I know I know...  In this day and age, it is unusual for bandits to attack an armored truck.  Luke has had a lot of training but he kinda got flustered and nervous.  He was especially scared because his backup gunner for the truck was on vacation so he was by himself.  So he called me for help!  That in itself is unusual!  Anyway, his old man came to the rescue and fought those bandits with strength and vigor!  I didn't get any of them, but eventually got conked on the head with a stout branch by of them that came up from behind.  Finally, when I came to, there was this guy in a pinstripe suit and a gray tie standing over me.  He smiled when I woke up and held his hand out to me.
"Grant Smorckthrust. CEO of Lightsabers 'R Us training videos."
I said, "Anikin Skywriter.  Professional lightsaber fighter and Jeddi knight."
I probably shouldn't have said that.  He smiled the type of smile that said that he was trying to contain an outburst of laughter and said, "We apologize for you getting knocked out.  We had to use you for a training video."
I must have looked perplexed because he said, "We worked out a deal with your son.  We told him that we hadn't made a video on what NOT to do during an attack from bandits.  So, we are paying him a little extra for this special help.  He acted the unprofessional armored truck driver; doing all the things you shouldn't do in a situation like this.  First of all, he let his backup gunner go on a break, so he was by himself.  Second, he got nervous.  And finally, he called an untrained civilian to protect him."
I was appalled!  My own son had used me for a video all for a little extra pay!  Untrained indeed!  I glared at him and I have to admit he looked a little sheepish...  This only reminds me that I may need to ban him from MY Xbox for a whole month or something.

Application...

Today, I will apply for McDukoo's.  I hope they accept me.  Because, if they don't, I will be in hot water with the Jeddi Council.  Yikes...

Finally Over...

Last night was our BIG play.  And believe me, it was a big deal.  Master Yoduh broke his sword AGAIN.  So he just grabbed a broom that was laying around.  I will never know why they had to have a broom as a prop in a Romeo and Juliet play.  Anyway, as a broom is more painful than a plastic sword, let's just say that Yoduh "killed" Tybalt quicker than we rehearsed.

I think we will be doing a couple more classes.  But the big play is done!

Anyway, the Jeddi have had a change of plans.  They got me a disguise and I am going to work under cover at McDukoo's.  Maybe I should sabotage the burger bins or something.  I just wish this fake beard didn't make me itch so much...

We Are Hopefully Ready!

Well, we finished all of our rehearsing and all that jazz on Saturday.  We will be doing the final play tomorrow night.  I am black and blue because of Master Yoduh's...ah, exceptional laser sword fighting skills.
Anyway, Master Obi-Won decided that I need to learn social skills.  So he talked with Padmae and they decided together that I need to work at a fast food restaurant.  So they got a position for me at Jeddi Mart Food Court.  Needless to say, I'm not enthused.

I Have So Much To Tell!

Well, on Friday, Ms. Glopinshorfindal gave master Yoduh an audition.  He and I battled with two plastic swords that she had.  He nearly lopped my head of three times and then broke his by stabbing me in the stomach.  Thusly, Ms. Glopinshorfindal decided that since Master Yo was a superior swordsman, he should be the protagonist in Romeo and Juliet.  This worked out well because (if you remember) Juliet is a LGW (little green woman) named Groda.  In fact, she is the same type of alien as Master Yoduh!  I thought I noticed the love light in Master Yoduh's eyes...but I was mistaken.  That was just "recognition" light.  Turns out that she is a long lost cousin of his that he had met years ago at a family reunion.  I always thought he was a loner...a man without a fam.  But apparently, he has some traces of family left.  He says that "close he and Groda were as children.  Good friends they still will be."  I'm happy that master Yoduh found some family.  I'm also happy that Padmae is happy because I will not be Romeo.  We will be practicing for this play a couple more weeks...intensely.  I'm going to try to keep all my belongings (i. e. every limb and finger and neck that is dear to me) intact...
If you don't read a post for two weeks, you will know why.  Please keep checking because I may be able to write some on the weekends...

Almost a Happy Ending

Thankfully, when my THEATRE & DRAMA instructor invited Master Yo to play Tybalt, he did not get mad.  Actually, he has always wanted to be in a play ever since 300 something years ago when he acted in a 3rd grade Christmas project.  He will be overjoyed to act a main part (even if it's the antagonist)  Padmae is a little ticked that I am going to be Romeo.  She wishes she could be Juliet, but she doesn't like to act.  Mind you, she doesn't mind me having to act (and do ballet AND bungee jumping...)  but when it comes to her having to step up to the plate, she's not interested.

Sticky Situation

I'm baaaaaack!  I got back from my mom's house yesterday, but I got home so late that I had to leave posthaste to my THEATRE & DRAMA class and I couldn't write a post.  Anyway, I think things have cooled down about me down here.  Nobody is mad anymore.  Apparently, the training for the tasersword battle was just what the doctor ordered to get them back into shape from football.  They don't seem to care anymore whether they lost or not.  And Hon is happy because it gave him a chance to practice his acrobatic moves. 
Anyway, THEATRE & DRAMA was...........interesting last night.  Ms. Glopinshorfindal decided that we are to perform Romeo and Juliet and that all the proceeds from the play will go to helping save the poor oppressed and endangered Whistling Spider.  I didn't even know there was a whistling spider!
Anyway, back to the point.  She wants my handsome self to be Romeo.  She asked who could be Tybalt.  She was stuck because I'm a really good sword fighter and she didn't want me to lop the head off of any of her class members.  (Thankfully, my arm is better.)  So, she asked if I knew any good sword fighters.  I said that I did.  I gave her master Yoduh's phone number and email address.  I hope he doesn't get mad at me for signing him up for THEATRE & DRAMA!
Another thing I'm nervous about is Padmae.  You know that Romeo falls in love with Juliet.  Well, Juliet is going to be played by a female alien.  I know she's an alien, but Padmae is a little jealous of me and she wouldn't be happy regardless.  I hope I don't get in too much trouble.

"Being Stingy is Never Wise"

Yesterday was the long-expected surprise attack by the Sithe.  It was an amazing battle to watch!  every time someone got hit with a taser sword, they would shake a little and then fall on the ground in shock.  They would, however, be back up in a 5 minutes or so and join the fray.  Only the best of the best lightsaber fighters rarely got shocked.  Master Yoduh, Master Wendu, Darth Sideous, and Count Dukoo.  I'm afraid that my proxy, Hon Solo, didn't fair so well.  My fans were wise to advise against me hiring him.  When he got out of that battle, he looked like he had gotten his finger stuck in an electric outlet -- several times.  I tried to communicate with him and give him some helpful tips via the headset I bought him.  But, I guess being cheap has negative consequences.  I bought the headset at a garage sale...on the last day...half-off.  They didn't work too well.  For some reason, our reception was broken up by a Hispanic Radio Station in the area.  They had this annoying song that played the whole way through the battle...  Something about "ser tacaño no es prudente" which I think means something like "being stingy is never wise..."  Ugh.
Anyway, now I'm in hot water.  Hon is after me with a death look and all his poker buddies from the Dorky Clown Bar are joining him in his search.  On top of that, the Jeddi think it was Hon's fault we lost the battle so they are blaming me!  I think I will remove to my mother's house until this blows over (or at least until the end of the weekend.)

Today is the Big Day!

Last night, I had my third theatre & drama class.  Nothing really exciting happened.  I know that my mind wasn't on the class.  There were several times when I was supposed to be reading my lines and I got distracted and started reading the names of the fast food signs across the street.  It was like,  

Class Member: "Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow."

Me: "Bob's Fried Frizzle Bird........Jeddi Mart Food Court......McDukoo's...........I'm sorry, what did you say, Juliet?"

Anyway, I guess I was just nervous about today.  I bought a headset for Hon.  I really hope this will work! Another problem is that we don't know when the Sithe are attacking.  So, we will just go to the football stadium early today and hope that they won't surprise us too much....

Hon Could Never Be a Jeddi........But One Can Try!

I have come up with a plan for tomorrow.  (Remember, I broke my arm and tomorrow is the big surprise attack/taser sword battle with the sithes?)  Well, it occurred to me that all one needs to know about lightsaber fighting is how to do the acrobatic moves, how use the force, and how to do the lightsaber moves.  Since I can't go to the battle, I can send a proxy.  HON SOLO!  He has learned all the acrobatic moves at the circus and I can give him a crash course on avoiding--and perhaps using a little bit of--force powers.  During the battle, I will watch from the bleachers (we are having our battle in the Nabu High School Football Stadium) and give him instructions through a headpiece he will wear.  These instructions will include helpful remarks as well as beneficial criticism on how his force powers are being used.  Also I will tell him when to use various sword fighting techniques and when to go into the defensive position (i. e., running for cover!)

Oh Dear...

Ooooooooh boy!  I am in trouble big time!  I just fell down the stairs and broke my arm!  Not only that, but it is my right arm!  The arm I use for lightsaber fighting.  This is a problem because on Wednesday of this coming week, we will be fighting the Sithes with taser swords.  I don't know how I will fight.  I can't just tell master Wendu that I will bow out this time!  This is the only time!  I am our best sword fighter.
Anyway, Hon just got back from his bi-weekly job at the circus.  He is learning all kinds of stunts for his clown job.  He is really good at the back flips and stuff.  Wait!  Hmmmm....this gives me an idea......

Cool!

I finally purchased a birthday present for my stepdad Clegg.  I didn't get a bunch of help from my blog readers, so I had to go to this website called BirthdayPresentsForPeopleYouLoveButAreHardToBuyFor.org.  It a website on which you can input the person's interests, their dislikes, and their annoyances and it will give you a list of things that they might find useful.  So I picked the most interesting thing on this list.  It's a floatable wheelchair.  That way, when he wants to enjoy the water, all he has to do is just drive off the edge of the pool.  It will get there late because, if you remember, I have to send it by parcel post.  But I think it will be worth it.  Clegg likes novelties like this.

Angry Sithes

I know it sounds redundant, but it's true!  Ever since Padmae stopped the Jeddi football team last week (thus stopping the whole SWFL [Star Wars Football League]), we have been noticing an increase in heat from the dark side of the galaxy.  We have also been receiving threatening letters.  We find them on the cafeteria counter or the toilet seat in the Jeddi temple bathrooms.  They are all one liners that say things like,
"You had a lot of gall
to gain weight and stop football."
or
"You'd better beware
when you don't play fair."
or (my favorite)
"Your fat will make chances slim
of ever eating chocolate again."

Anyway, we all know who's sending them -- and I have an idea that darth Sideous's uncle (Darth Hideous) is writing them...I mean, did you see that bad rhyming?  But the icing on the cake was applied when yesterday we received a letter with "Darth Sideous, 18 Dark Side Way, Upper floor, Death Star 33986" on the return address label.  It contained a short and peppy note.  It read as the following:
Dear Jeddi Council (and any other interested parties),
We are going to surprise attack you on Wednesday, April 15th 2010.  You'd better be ready.
Since this is a manly brawl and not a childish "to-the-death" fight (and on account of the fact that we don't want to lose any Sithes) we will fight with taser swords.  Be ready.
Worst Regards,
Darth Sideous

We sent a letter back that asked if perhaps Padmae could fight them...since she was the one who stopped the football team.  We didn't receive a reply.  I think they were pretty sure that Padmae would cream them all.  So we are fighting the Sithes.  I mean, REALLY fighting them.  Not just playing football against them.  We have posted Jeddi at all the entrances and have armed every person (even the janitor) with a lightsaber (er....taser sword...).  This will be fun!

The Broken Vase

Last night was my second THEATRE & DRAMA class.  It didn't go too bad.  Ms. Glopinshorfindal asked for a demonstration of my ballerino talents.  I gave them one.  I think I merely took their breath away!  I was so good that she asked me to get off of the stage before I finished my demonstration.  Ms. Glopinshorfindal also told me that she I needn't pay for the broken vase.  Wow!  But right after that she begged me to get off of the stage.  Anyway, she seemed grateful for the demonstration but for some reason, was very interested in moving along in the class.  After the broken vase, she taught us more animatedly then ever.
Last night I didn't learn too much about THEATRE & DRAMA, but I did learn that if you want to keep your instructors happy with you, you shouldn't break anything too early on in the class.

Saturday

Saturday is my stepfather's birthday.  (Clegg Lars)  Padmae and I, if you will remember, have this deal where she pays from her abundant wealth for any birthday present I find and I find the birthday present.  This works pretty well for everyone except the women.  They are IMPOSSIBLE to buy for!
I figure I'm pretty safe with Clegg.  I'll probably buy him a paint job for his wheelchair or a new tie or something....
But I have to pick whatever I buy soon because I have to send it by parcel post.  (Padmae will pay whatever is necessary for a present, but she refuses to pay the (in her words) "ungodly shipping prices of today.")

Saturday is also Hon's second appearance as a clown.  I don't think I will go this time taking into consideration what happened last time...

Addicted to Greens?

I got back into the house today.  No more sleeping under the stars.  I have lost a large amount of weight.  Unfortunately, I can't stop eating vegetables.  They kinda grew on me.  I will, however, do what I can to get back to my normal diet of fudge and fried chicken.

In a Pickle!

Not only that, but I will probably have to eat greens for the next couple of days!  I have........ah..........neglected to mention the fact that Padmae has been getting steadily more irritated with my increase in weight gain lately.  It has been for our football team, but she still hasn't been happy.  She was upset when I broke the couch, crabby when I popped the tire on my ship, but she was livid with anger when on Wednesday morning she had to call the fire department because I got stuck in our front door.  I was late for a Jeddi council meeting. Thankfully, the Jeddi temple doors are larger than ours.
Anyway, when I got back, Padmae wouldn't let me in.  She called through the window that if I ever wanted to get back inside, she suggested that I lose some calories.  She also mentioned that this was the end of our football team.
So I have been eating at Frank's Greens Market 3 times a day and running around the neighborhood in my spare time.  I would take advantage of the Jeddi temple dorms but I would get stuck in those doors too.  They are kinda small.  Obi-Won loaned me his laptop today so that I could write a post.
Anyway, the Sithes, the Wookees, the Bounty Hunters, the Gunguns, and the Storm Troopers are mad at us.  They halfheartedly attempted a couple of football games in our absence, but, to quote darth Sideous, "It not the same without those #$%^^#+@!$# Jeddi!"
I hope to be able to fit into the door within a couple of days (I can lose weight fast when I want to.)
Master Obi-Won, if you remember, didn't gain more than a couple of pounds and thusly can still fit in the shower.  So he has become our new dieting coach.  We will begin to lose poundage now.
Ugh.  Just to think, this was all the fault of our front door.  I should have thought ahead when we were building our house and ordered it a couple of sizes larger!

THEATRE & DRAMA

Last night was my first THEATRE & DRAMA class.  It didn't stink too bad.  All they did was role call.  Then the teacher introduced herself to us as Ms. Glopinshorfindal.  (I'm sure that there is an accent mark somewhere in there, I just can't remember where.)  She also asked if we had any skills that might come in handy in a THEATRE & DRAMA class.  A couple of people said that they had acted snow white or a leprechaun in some play in third grade.  The teacher already looked tired.  I guess she heard things like this in every class she did.  She then asked if we had any other skills OTHER than acting.  One guy said that he knew how to grill burgers and that his mom was known to say, "They're pretty good...if ashes are part of your regular diet."
I though Ms. Glopinshorfindal was going to faint now.  Then someone in the back said, "It IIIIIS Anikin!  Hey, Ms. Glopinshorfindal, Anikin here can do ballet!"
I looked at the speaker and I couldn't recognize her.  Then I remembered!  She had been family of one of my ballet classmates at the recital.  She had been in the crowd and had come to watch.
The teacher looked very gratified.  She called me up front for an example.  She said, "THIS is an example of a skill that might be useful in acting."
She thanked us all and everybody left...but me.  I had AFTER CLASS DETENTION!  Nah...I think she just wanted to congratulate me on being an example for the rest of the class.  Unfortunately, I have a feeling I will continue to be "an example" all through the rest of this "THEATRE & DRAMA" class!

The (Painful) Wookees

My neck almost broke on Saturday.  I am SUPER SORE!  Those wookees are painful to play football with!  Well, tonight is my first

Theatre & Drama

class.  Bleah.

The Wookees

Today we are playing a new football team called the Wookees!  Chewy, Crunchy, and their cousin Cheesy are going to advertise during the game for Wookee Landscaping and Lawncare.  They may even play!  I like those wookees but my allegiance is to my team.  I will have no qualms about tackling one or two of them.  The only fear I have is BEING tackled.

I feel like an April Fool...

Yesterday was April Fool's day.  For those of you who took advantage of this wonderful opportunity of meanly tricking those you love, I am happy for you.  I however, was not on my toes yesterday.  The Jeddi at the Jeddi temple take April Fool's day very seriously.  Or...maybe not SERIOUSLY but they definitely enjoy it!
Obi-Won decided to switch our seats in the Jeddi temple.  All Jeddi sit the same place but each person has tailor made seats to fit their size and dimensions.  Master Yoduh has a small one and Master Ki-Adi-Mundee's is really tall.  Anyway, we had to get our seats fixed up to fit the new dimensions that we have acquired ever since starting this fattening diet for our football team.  Well, Master Obi-Won, strangely, has been staying pretty slim all through this.  I have been after him to eat more sweets (as I am the dieting coach) but he won't listen to me.  For some reason, against all odds, he is losing weight!  Anyway, he switched our seats and then he sat down in my big one.  Sure it was probably uncomfortable, but well worth the show I gave the whole Jeddi council when I came in for our daily meeting!
I waltzed in to the room, expecting nothing.  Then I sat down in my place.  I neglected to notice that master Obi-Won was sitting in a chair that you could have had a ballroom dance on.  But then, I was too busy trying to squeeze all my belongings into the chair.  I would manage to get the sides of my stomach between the arms, but then my stomach and my eyes would bulge out because of the strain.  I tryed for half an hour while the rest of the council watched in bewilderment.  Finally, I raised my hand.  Master Wendu said politely, "Yes, what is it Anikin?"
I said, "I think there is something wrong with my chair..."
Master Obi-Won had begun snorting half way through Act I and II of my experience and finally at this punchline of mine, he burst into giggles of rapturous joy.  I looked at him and for the first time noticed that he was sitting in a chair with A S carved into the side.  THAT WAS MY CHAIR!  Grrrrrr!   I glared at him and he jumped out of that chair like greased lightning.  I traded the chairs out and thumped down in mine with a grunt of disapproval.  I should be more prepared for these things...

Padmae's Birthday

Next Monday is Padmae's birthday!  Yikes!  I never think of these things until the last minute!  I NEEEEEEEEED ideas please!  Anybody know what I can give her?

Oh, btw: Hon and Lea have  solved their problem with the wookees by encouraging those three to start a lawn service.  They also do tree shredding.  The good part is they don't need any equipment for that part.  They just do it with their bare hands.  And since they only have to pay for push lawn mowers, their prices are low.  So I am convinced they will get a lot of business.  Anybody want to hire Wookee Landscaping and Lawncare?

One more thing?????

My life is full right now.  This is obvious...  What with working in the circus recently...my full time job as a dieting coach for our football team...and still trying to figure out an answer to the Solos' hairy dilemma with their wookee staff I have been overloaded!
NOW Padmae wants to throw another thing on me!  She wants me to take another class.  I say ANOTHER because I took a bungee jumping class last year and the year before that I took ballet.  Bleah.  That wasn't fun!
Anyway, now she wants me to take a class on (get this)............  

THEATRE & DRAMA

WHAAAAAA??????  I won't be able to STAND that!  All those men wearing tights and those women in dresses with hoop skirts larger than a couch.  The dresses, not the women.  Sheesh!  I'm already having a nervous breakdown.  Another thing I'll hate is all the ridiculous make-up I'll have to wear.  Hon has it better than me!  To be honest, I would rather be a clown...

You Missed a Spot

Sorry I haven't written posts for a while.  I have been really busy.  See, on Saturday we had a football game against the Storm Troopers.  We lost 14 to 24.  But hey!  That's not that bad considering we were playing a professional team!
After the game, I went straight to the circus.  Sure I was stinky and sweaty, but I didn't have time to take a shower!  Anyway I put on deodorant before I left.
I brought my camera and was going to get some good pictures of Hon as a clown but I ran into some trouble.  See, there was this acrobat who was doing some dangerous stunts dangerously close to where I was sitting.
I yelled up at him, "Hey!  Watch what you're doing up there!  Do you want to come down on my HEAD?"
I don't think he had noticed me until then and he looked down very surprised.  However, he was in the middle of a back flip.  He fell with a thump to the dirt below like a bird dropping and then lay there.  The whole show was stopped and everybody came to see what was the matter.  I got there first and (with my Jeddi sensory techniques) figured out that a leg was broken and that there was something wrong with his face.  I soon found out, however, that the answer to the latter part of my investigation was just a scowl on his face and a glare in my direction. 
He went to the emergency room and I was hustled to the back of the circus to wait for the manager to have a chance to "speak with me."

The manager asked me what I was doing with a lawn chair in the middle of the ring and why didn't I use those nice bleachers that everybody else was happy with?  I told him that my friend was being a clown and I wanted to take a video.  He asked why I needed to come down there and do it.  I explained that my friend was a CIRCUS clown.  Light dawned on his face but he still wasn't happy.  He was also amazed that I had managed to get my lawn chair past the people at the door.  I explained that I was a Jeddi knight. BIG mistake.  That made him all the more mad.  So, he made me work on cleaning the circus equipment for the next few days to pay for the hospital bill.  Boy did he work me hard!  Hon wasn't any help either.  He just sat around in MY lawn chair watching me scrub the bars of the lion cage and saying periodically, "Hey!  You missed a spot."

Stuff that's happening

First of all, Hon is going to be doing his first show as a clown in the circus on Saturday.  He has finally gotten down the juggling bit but I don't know if they are going to be able to put a red nose on him.  Many of you may have guessed from the movies, Hon is not the "red nose" type.

Also happening on Saturday is our football game.  We are playing against a team that was professional, but gave it up because the professional league was too easy for them...........and there were no other professional teams in the galaxy.  So this team (the Storm Troopers) has joined our unprofessional league and will play us Jeddi this weekend.

Oh, I almost forgot!  This really ticks me off.  Padmae bought Luke a new ship!  She said that he had been so responsible in getting himself a job and paying the repairs for my ship that he deserves a little help.  Come on!  She's already paying for that boy's college.  But...yeah.  I admit that I felt a little bad for him myself.  So I guess it's best.
Anyway, he's keeping his job as an armored truck driver and is saving up for....I don't know what he's saving up for.  I can't believe he's just saving up his money!  Don't you have to have a goal in mind or something like that?

Well....

My fam's trip to my mom's house on Tatauine went well.  Luke AND Lea got to go (Luke, because he was on spring break and Lea, because Hon paused his clown education to come and Lea never leaves her husband EVER!)
As I said, it went well.  Well...all except for the fact that my stepfather wanted to go outside to play football with Luke and me because he had heard about the Jeddi football team.  We lost and were humiliated!  We expected it to be easier than it was because Clegg uses a wheelchair.  However, this time he used his superpowered wheelchair.  What made it especially humiliating was the fact that the teams were as follows: Anikin and Luke vs. Clegg and Lea.  She felt bad for him and took his side.  Two experience Jeddi football pros (okay...not exactly pros) lost to an old man and a GIRL!  I'm still nursing my pride and Lea isn't helping by walking around with that satisfied smile.  Neither of us will forget this for a while!

SPRING BREAK!

Luke is on Spring Break!!!!   We are going to leave today to go visit my mom's house!  I just hope she won't shove anymore salads down my throat!  But wait!  I'm on a fattening diet so she won't be allowed to.
Oh...that reminds me: I haven't written a post for the past couple of days because I have been too sore to go to the computer.  Why?  Well...just because.  Oh, you want to hear about our football game?  Well............WE WON!  We won 13 to 10!  Haha!  Our diet has paid off!

About to get beat!

I'm about to go to play football against the Sithes.  Since our team got organized, we probably won't get destroyed.  But we will most probably be creamed!  Our fattening diet has been moving and we are getting rounder, but it's going slow.  Well, here goes nothing!

A Hairy Dilemma

Well, now that Hon has a job, he and Lea can move out again.  They are going to rent an apartment in the neighborhood.  Remember before they got married, I mentioned that Chewy and Crunchy were going to be their servants?  Well, now they are moving out and Padmae offered to hire Chewy and Crunchy for them again.  (You know how rich we are!)  Anyway, when they hired the two walking carpets, Chewy mentioned that a cousin of theirs was looking for work.  Lea said she would have to think about that.  They asked us and Padmae said, "Sure, have all the money you need for this."  Butlers are very important to Padmae.
The only problem is that those two are in a small apartment during the day with three, ginormous wookees!  I feel for my poor daughter!

Oh, BTW: Luke finally paid for the repairs to my ship.  He will buy his new one as soon as he can save up for it.

Argyle Socks and a Polka Dotted Tie!

Well, hahaha!  This is just too funny! Do you guys remember when Hon lost his job with Smuggler's Inc?  Well, he has been playing on their football team as a volunteer lately, but he really needs a job that pays (he's been eating me out of fudge and home lately!)
But, guess what?  A traveling circus came to town and he filled out an application.  He put down that he wanted to be a ringleader, but since he wore argyle socks, a plaid business suit, and a polka dotted tie, the manager told him he would be perfect for a clown!  He didn't want to leave Lea, but the Circus said that they would be in town till June because of all the business they were getting and that he could work with them until they moved out.
You have to understand, ever since 2 years old, Hon has wanted to be a clown.  But his personality, shall we say, doesn't fit the part?  He's taking a crash course for juggling and has already thrown a couple of hammers into my TV set.  I'm about to go to Jeddi Mart to buy a new one and then come back home and try to talk him into learning to juggle balls first...
This will be very entertaining!  You can be sure I will buy tickets to every show from here till June!  Pass the popcorn!

Not Walloped too Bad...

Saturday's game didn't go perfectly, but we don't have much to complain about.  We haven't really gained any weight and/or built muscles yet.  So 16 to 7 wasn't too bad!  We ACTUALLY GOT AN ENDZONE!  We are overjoyed.  I have been reading up on muscle building activities and I think I will be a good Dieting Coach.

Oh, by the way: Ki-Adi-Mundee finally has a helmet.  Master Obi-Won (who is now the official Head Uniform Manager) went to AskYoduh.com and found a family owned store that sold all sorts of sport helmets for aliens of the Ki-Adi-Mundee species.  Their store was called Helmets for Big Heads.  When Master Obi-Won told me about his new purchase, he suggested I buy one.  Very funny...

Anikin's Get Fat Instantly Formula

Uh oh.  I'm expected to have the Jeddi Football team ready soon!  I consider myself a pro at getting fat quickly.  I have a certain formula for doing it.  I call it Anikin's Get Fat Instantly Formula.  It has three simple steps: eat, eat and don't exercise.  The only problem is that I have to help them retain their strength while getting...ah larger.  I went to a health web site yesterday and had a live chat with a professional doctor.  I explained my problem and he said (among other things which I won't print here) that I was crazy and that if we wanted a good football team we should talk to Drew Brees.  I'm not sure who he is, but I think I heard that he won the superbowl on earth recently.  I sarcastically thanked the doctor and told him that Drew Brees was lightyears away.  I don't think that chat ended very well.  He already thought I was nuts...
Anyway, I have to have the team ready soon, like I say.  AND BY SATURDAY!!!  We are playing the Smugglers/Bounty Hunters on Saturday (they really should split into two teams or change their name.)  So, that being said, any hints or tips would be much appreciated!  To bad Drew Brees doesn't read my blog...

They're Joking...Right?

The Jeddi held a council yesterday.  All the council members were present (naturally) plus all the football players who aren't council members.  This included Luke and Briingluy Aft.  Master Wendu, being the chairman and all, spoke first.  Here my transcription of this event:

Wendu: Dear Council members...and Luke and Briingluy.  I don't know if you have noticed but our football team has not been doing as well as we should like.  I mean, first of all, the Sithe's beat us 78 to 0 and the Gunguns beat us 41 to 3.  (I think the reason we did so well on the last game was because we happened to be organized...)  Anyway, I think we need new management.  Why?  Well because -

Yoduh: [mumbles something unintelligible frowning at the floor]

Wendu: Master Yoduh, if you have something to add please share it with the rest of the cla - er, council.

[Master Yoduh happened to be sitting next to Master Wendu and he whispered something to Master Wendu.  Master Wendu looked up and with an embarrassed glance around him, continued.]

Wendu: Uuhhh, right, not that the old management (namely our beloved coach) has not been doing his best.  And our Head Uniform Manager (that would be you Anikin) has been doing admirably well considering the - ah, er...obstacles that were in his path.  But, what I mean to say is that we need an EXTRA manager.  Or rather, a different kind of coach while keeping Master Yoduh as our coordinator for the games.  In other words, we need a drastic change in our plans.  Master Obi-Won...

Obi-Won: Thank you master Wendu.  Well, as you know...

[I didn't know, but then, nobody tells me anything... anyway, back to Master Obi-Won]

...Master Wendu, Master Yoduh and I have been talking a lot lately and what this team needs is a change in our eating habits...

[you don't know how many times he's had this lecture with me, but it was always about me needing to "stop the cookie intake"]

We need to go on a...well, a....

Yoduh: Diet Fattening!

Obi-Won: Yes, thank you Master Yoduh, a fattening diet.  That way we can gain the weight we need to be able to win some football games.  So we need a Dieting Coach to train us in gaining weight.  But, the Dieting Coach needs to be able to train us to retain our muscle while gaining some weight.  And, Anikin, the council has elected you...since you tend to be good at gaining weight.  I will take over the Head Uniform Manager...Master Yoduh and Master Wendu unanimously voted me in for that [he glared] but I think that over all, this team will begin to improve!

I was in a trance.  Could this be really happening to me?  Could I really have the wish of my life and actually be allowed and even ENCOURAGED to gain weight?  I smiled, but then caught myself.  This could be another practical joke.  I looked at their faces carefully for a glimmer of a smile.  But no, they were SERIOUS.  Well, I'm going to have to read up on the muscle building activities...but in the weight gaining arena, I consider myself an experienced ace.  Bring on the fudge!

Creamed. Again.

We played football against the Gunguns on Saturday.  Boy did they cream us!  That is why I haven't written in a while.  I am just now getting all my bruises healed and have, this morning, been able to limp over to the computer to write for all you faithful readers.  Okay...it's not all that bad.  But those Gunguns are still pretty feisty.  First of all, they are tall, so no interceptions were made.  Second, they are very strong, so no points were made except one field goal.  They beat us 41 to 3.  Ouch. 
In football news, the bounty hunters are now accepting team members from the smuggler arena as well.  So that means that my son in law, Hon Solo will be part of that team.  Oh no!  That means that, unless Chewy isn't interested (he just bought a new sports-ship and he washes it every weekend), he will be on their team.  I don't know how we will start to win some games this season!  We really need a drastic change.......somewhere!

We have another game!

We are scheduled to battle the Gungun's on Saturday.  Some may say that those guys are too skinny to play football.  But they are actually very strong.  We Jeddi might suffer another loss because we aren't allowed to use our force powers.  But hey!  We're organized this time!  I still haven't found a helmet for Master Ki-Adi-Mundee.  I was going to suggest that he clean the lockers but something told me he wouldn't appreciate that suggestion.  I'm afraid he may have to bow out of this one game though.

Here are photos explaining our defensive and offensive positions.
Yoduh said that too old he was to play football.  Be a coach he would.

Creativity Stretched to the LIMIT!

Augh!  Sorry I haven't been writing recently!  Well, I finally got a uniform for Briingluy Aft!  What I did was I bought a tent and then Padmae kindly offered to pay for me to put letters on it and for alterations.  Believe me, many alterations were needed to change a tent into a jersey and football pants!
Still looking for Master Ki-Adi-Mundee's helmet!  Any ideas?

"Multiple Uniform Issues..."

I really don't have anything to write about except the fact that the Jeddi have been working our rear ends off to try to get this football team working.  I've been having to get into shape which you know is something I DON'T like!  Also, the Jeddi Council crowned me "Head Uniform Manager."  I felt pretty good...until today.  I've been having multiple issues with uniforms.  First of all, we have this really chunky jeddi named Briingluy Aft.  When I say chunky I mean CHUNKY!  We tried to get him a jersey, but none would fit him (not even the XXXXXXL).  And that's not even TRYING to get him pants.  So he insists on wearing work clothes to practice (because he doesn't want to soil any good ones.)  One of his work outfits that he has a certain liking for is a t-shirt advirtising the "Purple Rabbits Soccer Team."  He said he got it free at one of his niece's soccer practices (it seems that he really supported the team's food bar.)  I don't know about the other jeddi but I'm not a huge fan of having a 340 pound "Purple Rabbit" running beside me.  It's bad for my image.  Anyway, we can't get rid of him because of his weight.  He's a very useful tackler if you know what I mean.  He almost smashed several sithes in the game last Saturday.  So since we can't get rid of him and we can't clothe him like the manly football player that he is...we'll just have to bear the brunt of the jokes like men.

I am also having TONS of issues with master Ki-Adi-Mundee.  He's VERY helpful in the uniform area, and very fit.  But I can't seem to find a helmet to fit his doubly smart noggin.  His head is as tall as two of mine and that's saying a lot!  Ugh...all this stress is giving me a headache.  I'd better go take a rest before plunging head first into the supermarkets to look for uniform odds and ends.

Ouch

I have just now recovered enough from our game on Saturday to write a post. The Sithes were more organized than we planned! I don't think that our lining up at the line wherever we wanted and just waiting for Master Wendu (he's our quarterback) to "throw us a long one" worked very well. The Sithes had runningbacks, linebackers,
and breakbackers...or whatever they are... We are going to hold a council today to decide how to organize our team.

Oh, the Gunguns have gotten a team together too! That makes five teams that will play eachother this season!

We Play "The Sithes" Saturday!

We finally got a football team together! We also induced the Sithes to
get one together as well as the Clones and the Bounty Hunters. We play the Sithes on Saturday! Wait...today is Saturday...! I have to go and do some stretches. I can tell I'm out of shape. The first practice we had, I ripped my favorite pair of Jeddi pants. I always wear baggy pants to football practice from now on...

Yes. American Sports are played here too...

The Jeddi Council is getting together a football team!  I wasn't invited to be the quarterback...probably more like a linebacker or some other big guy as I am rather large for a Jeddi.
I just can't wait.  Here's to starting a Jeddi version of "American Football!"

I Just Don't Believe This...

Neither will you!  LUKE CRASHED MY SHIP LAST NIGHT!!!  Okay...I'll probably get in trouble for saying that.  But he did get rear-ended by a fire hydrant!  It was one of those busy parking lots at the space academy.  He was trying to back his - MY ship out the parking space and he accidentally bumped a fire hydrant!  The fire hydrant wasn't any worse for the wear except a couple of scratches.  MY SHIP on the other hand has seen better days!  When I said "Not a Scratch!" the other day I had no idea that later that week my ship would come out of an accident with a fire hydrant having a back end looking like a banana just after being stepped on by a 467 pound gorilla!  Sure she still drives...but it's a bad thing for my image to have a smashed up ship with my signature bumper sticker "Honk if you love FUDGE!" on the back.  It's a good thing he got this job!  He will have to pay for repairs to my SHIP before he buys himself a new one!
Strangely, this smash with a fire hydrant has done my nerves a world of good.  Now that it has happened, I don't feel tense anymore.  But, man will I be glad to get that ship SAFELY back in our garage!

His Father's Nerves

Well!  Good news!  Luke GOT THE JOB!!!  His results were, as you remember, a little...unorthodox.  But the manager of the Nabu Lightsabers 'R Us factory said that Luke showed initiative in ordering that Making Lightsabers for Dummies book so quickly and making the two lightsabers in such a short time.  He said that was the mark of a true businessman.  "We...you, ah, probably won't be working on any lightsabers," he mentioned as he turned on the droopy blade, "But you can do something else...like....," he searched for a good, but safe job for everyone concerned, "...DRIVE OUR ARMORED TRUCK!"
Wow!  Lucky Luke!  I've always wanted to drive one of those!  It's the armored truck that they use to deliver lightsabers to different clients.  Why do they need an armored truck?  It's not because lightsabers are pricey, but because you have to have a "Lightsaber Weilding License" to purchase one and Space Pirates used to periodically raid the Lightsabers 'R Us trucks and get these deadly weapons.
Well, it's good that Luke got this job.  It pays well and he should get his new ship in no time!  Whew...

Disappointing Results...AGAIN!

Luke finished his second lightsaber yesterday.  Remember?  He's trying to get this job at the Lightsabers 'R Us factory?  Unfortunately...he forgot something else.  But, out of a sliver of hope that the owner of the Nabu Lightsabers 'R Us factory will have pity on him, he's going to bring his results to him later today.

I am heartbroken.  I sure hope he gets this job and saves for a new ship soon!  I am getting nervouser and nervouser.  I think my ability to use adverbs is suffering.  At least that's what Padmae tells me...

Oh, BTW: Today I have compiled the results for my readers' top five favorite posts for 2009!  Just look on the sidebar!

I Had No Idea...

This morning...disappointment struck like lightning on a sunny morning.  Luke and I got up excited and ready to look at his lightsaber.  He; because he wanted the job and buy a new ship, and me; because I wanted him to GET the job and buy a new ship so he won't have to borrow mine!  We went into the garage.  He picked up the handle and flicked it on.  The blade shot out, flickered, and flopped dejectedly.  Luke growled, "AAAUUUUGH!  I forgot the YEAST!" 

                                               ? 

I had no idea YEAST went into lightsabers.  But, for my innocence's sake, I didn't ask what else he put in there.  There are some things that are just better to leave untold.  He has just enough days to start another one and finish it before Monday (which is when he turns his final concoction in.)  He'd better not goof again or else I will die of a heart attack and/or overused nerves.  Wait!  Can you die from overstressed nerves?!?!?  SEE?!  It's already happening!

Tomorrow is (hopefully) the day!

Luke started his lightsaber yesterday.  He hasn't finished it yet because he has to let the glue dry and some other parts finish doing --- ah, something.  I don't know what all.  He will put the finishing touches on it tonight and tomorrow it will be officially finished!  That way he can have a free weekend!  I sure hope this boy get this job.  I, a loving father, care immeasurably for his well-being. He really needs that ship.  (AAAND...if he gets that ship he won't have to borrow mine anymore.  This is thing is making me too nervous for my own good!)

A Jeddi At Lightsabers 'R Us...Interesting...

Luke applied for a job at Lightsabers 'R Us yesterday.  This is interesting!  You know how we Jeddi buy all our lightsabers from Lighsabers 'R Us because they had better prices than Jeddi Mart and Guns, Ammo and Beyond.  Well, the manager of our store said that he would give Luke the job - if he could make a lightsaber by himself within a week.  Some of you may be scoffing at the idiocy of this manager, but we Jeddi don't know how to make lightsabers!  Mr. Lucas, as brilliant as he is, didn't want to put that part in the movie.  He pretended we made all our lightsabers!  Luke went to Ask Yoduh (.com) and found that the book entitled Making Lightsabers for Dummies was really cheap.  He ordered overnight shipping and will start working on his lightsaber tomorrow.  He'd better get on the ball!  He only has until next Monday!

Not a Scratch!

Last night, the unthinkable happened. Luke's ship broke down! He has been using it to commute from our house to the space academy these first couple of semesters but the old clinker finally coughed her last. Luke will be saving for another one as soon as he can find a job. But until he does, he will need to borrow my ship that I got for my birthday last year. I told him he needed to baby it with lots of shipwashes and plenty of premium gas. And he'd BETTER not park anywhere near to construction work, weird looking characters or any trees. Birds seem to love the color of my ship and think it is perfect for an outhouse. Luke mentioned that he had the fear that it might take more time to find "the perfect parking spot" for my ship than it would be to take a TRAM to the space academy. I told him to quit complaining and not look a gift horse in the mouth...er -- engine. Not a scratch, Luke!

How COULD They Know?

I know you probably wouldn't expect me back so soon, but our plan of "hiding out at Wedgie's" didn't go over very well. First of all, Asoka seemed to know more about this hiding place than any of us knew she knew and she ratted on us to Padmae and Lea. They didn't do anything about it immediately (I found this out from Padmae later...) but decided to use the situation to their advantage. Lea went over to Wedgie's and told him to take the TV out of the tree house. Apparently Hon is addicted to football. He is dying to see if his favorite team (the Bounty Hunters) will beat the Storm Troopers in the Death Star Bowl this year. Asoka took this opportunity to use Luke's Ipod and put her favorite movies on it! Padmae (this is the worst!) went with Lea and requested that Wedgie take the chips out of the tree house too. We didn't know all this was going on...all we knew was that we came back from our daily fishing trip, we saw a chipless, TV-less treehouse. AND Luke's Ipod was missing. Our first thought was "vandalism!" -- but then logic succeeded natural suspicions and we thought to ourselves, "why would any vandal want a half eaten bag of Cheese Flips?" My second thought was "Obi-Won!" He has been wanting to get me off of TV and snack foods for...well ever since I started this blog! But why would he take Luke's Ipod? We were clueless, but we decided to make the best of it and ate what we had brought in our lunch bags.
Meanwhile, Wedgie's mom had seen us waddling out of the treehouse with fishing poles and empty chip bags. She asked Wedge who those three spherical men were in her back yard? Wedgie said that we were some friends of his that needed a place to hide because Asoka was at their house. She understood (everybody in our neighborhood knows Asoka) but she didn't want any no-good tramps in her yard! Wedgie tried to calmly explain that these three men were respectable Jeddi (at least, two of them were, the other was a smuggler, but he thought that wouldn't be a good time to mention that!) She was adamant, however. She wanted us out. Wedgie is 18 years old, but it pays to play it safe when it is your parents' house. So he was stuck between two Jeddi Knights and a hard place.
So, from a combination of rising heat from Mrs. Antilees and the food supply in our paper bags growing thin...we decided to call it quits and face whatever darkness waited for us at home.
The women weren't as surprised to see us as I had expected. But you know why... Thankfully, Asoka is not as much of a brat as she used to be. Having her staying at our house isn't that bad -- especially since she communicated a desire to go back to the Jeddi Temple Dorms soon...

Bbrewgleuitag

Yep. You guessed it! While Luke and I were working out a deal on Friday, Hon came through the house yelling my name so that he could figure out where my Xbox was. He asked what we were talking about and Luke blabbed it all! I couldn't figure out why because Luke has already mentioned how bbrewgleuitag Hon can get. It was probably because Luke was unhappy about the deal I was trying to push. I had told him that I would make him do some community service if he didn't let me go. He countered with the fact that he was an adult. 18 years old! That he could make his own decisions. I had then said, "OK mister ADULT. How would you like for us to stop paying your gas bills?"

That made him stop and think. I was about to win when Hon came through. Now I have a fired smuggler on my hands as well as a spoiled 18 year old brat! I'm just hoping Wedgie (Wedge Antilees) has lots of chips so I can bury my irritation in a bag of Cheese Flips!

A Nightmare Becomes Reality!

No joke! Asoka really is planning on sleeping over for the time being. She is coming tomorrow. And no, I am, strangely, calm about the whole affair. It's not because I'm resigned to my fate, it's not because I trust Padmae's decision in this case...it's because I accidentally read a journal entry out of Luke's Diary. It was torn out and I got halfway through before I noticed the heading "my journal" in the upper right hand corner of the page. So, since I was halfway through (and the words looked providentially sent), I decided to finish the job of deciphering Luke's handwriting. The journal entry was as follows:
"Tomorrow I will not be able to write an entry unless I bring you (dear diary) along. I am planning on ddienggenikial dhg wiig bwlkkui" (unreadable part). "Why am I planning on sleeping in Wedgie's treehouse? Because Asoka is gjgrutleemumfal..." (messy again) "and you know how bossy she is to me. Even though I'm 18, she still borrows my ipod and says that I should share more often. That is soooo xrehttttljmrooflie! Anyway, I hope Hon and/or dad don't find out and decide to tag along. You know how bbrewgleuitag they can be!"

Humph! Hiding out at Wedgie's to protect himself from Asoka's evil clutches...and not telling his tender and wonderful father about it just because I sometimes get bbrewgleuitag! I don't even know what that means! But whatever it means, I am never...uh THAT!
Anyway, I'll try to force Luke to let me in on the deal. But I'll have to keep it hush hush because Luke was very accurate in his description of Hon. You know how bbrewgleuitag he does get!

It's Good to See LEA again!

Well, the Solos arrived today.  As I said previously, I love Lea, but I just didn't want bossy Hon acting like this home was his own.

Well, life is humming along.  I am continuing my community service project today.   (Why do people insist on leaving half of a Super Burger in their take-out boxes that they have to leave on the side of the road?)  I'm getting tired of cleaning the road anyway.  People must think I'm a convict or something...maybe I should get a haircut.

Padmae said something today that worried me.  She said that she thinks my Padiwan, Asoka should spend more time around me.  She believes it would be beneficial for both of us.  I would learn more manners and Asoka would learn...well, Asoka would learn how not to act...

I don't know about this, but I don't care much for the idea of that bottle rocket having a sleep over over here - indefinitely!

Life is Ever Changing

Today...is Sunday. No community service today, baby! Ahhhh...the perfect day of rest...

The only (two) dark clouds that show up on the horizon are the following: Luke is going back to the Space Academy tomorrow. He will continue to commute from our house there...but we'll miss him during the day!
The 2nd dark cloud is some news (could be a rumor, but Padmae normally doesn't gossip...) that I heard yesterday. Padmae said that Lea told her that Hon lost his job at Smuggling Enterprises. (I think that name has an intended pun as the company sometimes does transport starships) He said that they were downsizing their business and he got laid off! Padmae also asked me what I thought about letting them stay with us until they got back on their own two (four if you ask me) feet. I was playing Xbox at the time and said, "Sure honey, do what seems best..."
I mean, sure I love Lea... But Hon is a scoundrel as well as a boss. I don't know what will happen between him and Padmae...and he'd BETTER not touch my Xbox!

Community Service???

Well...I have, for the past three days, been doing community service. Cleaning roadsides...planting flowers on the median...visiting the elderly in nursing homes...all for free! It's VOLUNTEER work!!! By the sweat of my brow and the ache of my legs I have done all of this work for man/alienkind.

Master Obi-Won said that I would have a good feeling inside...but the only inner emotion I have is that of hunger because I just got back from my 4th time on the freeway medians of Nabu.

I'm Addicted...Again...

Sorry I haven't gotten to writing for a while recently! I have been playing a video game I got for my birthday from Luke (Lea doesn't like video games and Padmae is COOOMPLETELY against me playing my Xbox.) The game is called Pit Droid Air Hockey Deluxe Edition. It's where you hit this folded up pit droid across an air hockey table. The deluxe part of it is that you can color your droids colors ranging from white with red polka dots to purple with lime green flames. Luke must have played a pretty credit for that! He said that he played the "non-deluxe" edition in a friend's dorm at college. He likened it to eating a cake without icing.
Anyway...now you know why I'm so distracted. I'll try to keep telling you about my life. Truth be told, nothing much has happened around here...exceeeept...Master Yodu did mention something over the weekend about Master Obi-Won and himself talking about my need for more opportunities to better man/alien-kind. I don't know why but I'm not too enthused...

Happy New Year!

Well, we are starting 2010, my faithful readers! Yes, we did have that New Year's Eve Party last night. It went okay. Nothing bad happened like last time...except that Master Yoduh brought his electric guitar and turned it up to 11 which, for those who do not know guitar amps, is the highest volume which, for those of you who still do not know guitar amps, is loud enough to break all the windows in our house and start an avalanche in the Netherlands on planet earth...
We finally encouraged him to turn it down to 1 and a half...
Anyway, with the new year, I have a favor to ask all you fans. Could you please write the titles of your top five favorite posts of 2009 as a comment on this post? That way I can compile all of your results, average it out, and put the final results on my for the next year.
Oh, I almost forgot; you can also write your favorite titles as a comment or a discussion on my Facebook fan page.
Thanks in advance for helping me out, and....HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!