Thursday, April 29, 2010

Almost a Happy Ending

Thankfully, when my THEATRE & DRAMA instructor invited Master Yo to play Tybalt, he did not get mad.  Actually, he has always wanted to be in a play ever since 300 something years ago when he acted in a 3rd grade Christmas project.  He will be overjoyed to act a main part (even if it's the antagonist)  Padmae is a little ticked that I am going to be Romeo.  She wishes she could be Juliet, but she doesn't like to act.  Mind you, she doesn't mind me having to act (and do ballet AND bungee jumping...)  but when it comes to her having to step up to the plate, she's not interested.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Sticky Situation

I'm baaaaaack!  I got back from my mom's house yesterday, but I got home so late that I had to leave posthaste to my THEATRE & DRAMA class and I couldn't write a post.  Anyway, I think things have cooled down about me down here.  Nobody is mad anymore.  Apparently, the training for the tasersword battle was just what the doctor ordered to get them back into shape from football.  They don't seem to care anymore whether they lost or not.  And Hon is happy because it gave him a chance to practice his acrobatic moves
Anyway, THEATRE & DRAMA was...........interesting last night.  Ms. Glopinshorfindal decided that we are to perform Romeo and Juliet and that all the proceeds from the play will go to helping save the poor oppressed and endangered Whistling Spider.  I didn't even know there was a whistling spider!
Anyway, back to the point.  She wants my handsome self to be Romeo.  She asked who could be Tybalt.  She was stuck because I'm a really good sword fighter and she didn't want me to lop the head off of any of her class members.  (Thankfully, my arm is better.)  So, she asked if I knew any good sword fighters.  I said that I did.  I gave her master Yoduh's phone number and email address.  I hope he doesn't get mad at me for signing him up for THEATRE & DRAMA!
Another thing I'm nervous about is Padmae.  You know that Romeo falls in love with Juliet.  Well, Juliet is going to be played by a female alien.  I know she's an alien, but Padmae is a little jealous of me and she wouldn't be happy regardless.  I hope I don't get in too much trouble.

Friday, April 23, 2010

"Being Stingy is Never Wise"

Yesterday was the long-expected surprise attack by the Sithe.  It was an amazing battle to watch!  every time someone got hit with a taser sword, they would shake a little and then fall on the ground in shock.  They would, however, be back up in a 5 minutes or so and join the fray.  Only the best of the best lightsaber fighters rarely got shocked.  Master Yoduh, Master Wendu, Darth Sideous, and Count Dukoo.  I'm afraid that my proxy, Hon Solo, didn't fair so well.  My fans were wise to advise against me hiring him.  When he got out of that battle, he looked like he had gotten his finger stuck in an electric outlet -- several times.  I tried to communicate with him and give him some helpful tips via the headset I bought him.  But, I guess being cheap has negative consequences.  I bought the headset at a garage sale...on the last day...half-off.  They didn't work too well.  For some reason, our reception was broken up by a Hispanic Radio Station in the area.  They had this annoying song that played the whole way through the battle...  Something about "ser tacaƱo no es prudente" which I think means something like "being stingy is never wise..."  Ugh.
Anyway, now I'm in hot water.  Hon is after me with a death look and all his poker buddies from the Dorky Clown Bar are joining him in his search.  On top of that, the Jeddi think it was Hon's fault we lost the battle so they are blaming me!  I think I will remove to my mother's house until this blows over (or at least until the end of the weekend.)

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Today is the Big Day!

Last night, I had my third theatre & drama class.  Nothing really exciting happened.  I know that my mind wasn't on the class.  There were several times when I was supposed to be reading my lines and I got distracted and started reading the names of the fast food signs across the street.  It was like,  
Class Member: "Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow."
Me: "Bob's Fried Frizzle Bird........Jeddi Mart Food Court......McDukoo's...........I'm sorry, what did you say, Juliet?"
Anyway, I guess I was just nervous about today.  I bought a headset for Hon.  I really hope this will work! Another problem is that we don't know when the Sithe are attacking.  So, we will just go to the football stadium early today and hope that they won't surprise us too much....

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Hon Could Never Be a Jeddi........But One Can Try!

I have come up with a plan for tomorrow.  (Remember, I broke my arm and tomorrow is the big surprise attack/taser sword battle with the sithes?)  Well, it occurred to me that all one needs to know about lightsaber fighting is how to do the acrobatic moves, how use the force, and how to do the lightsaber moves.  Since I can't go to the battle, I can send a proxy.  HON SOLO!  He has learned all the acrobatic moves at the circus and I can give him a crash course on avoiding--and perhaps using a little bit of--force powers.  During the battle, I will watch from the bleachers (we are having our battle in the Nabu High School Football Stadium) and give him instructions through a headpiece he will wear.  These instructions will include helpful remarks as well as beneficial criticism on how his force powers are being used.  Also I will tell him when to use various sword fighting techniques and when to go into the defensive position (i. e., running for cover!)

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Oh Dear...

Ooooooooh boy!  I am in trouble big time!  I just fell down the stairs and broke my arm!  Not only that, but it is my right arm!  The arm I use for lightsaber fighting.  This is a problem because on Wednesday of this coming week, we will be fighting the Sithes with taser swords.  I don't know how I will fight.  I can't just tell master Wendu that I will bow out this time!  This is the only time!  I am our best sword fighter.
Anyway, Hon just got back from his bi-weekly job at the circus.  He is learning all kinds of stunts for his clown job.  He is really good at the back flips and stuff.  Wait!  Hmmmm....this gives me an idea......

Friday, April 16, 2010

Cool!

I finally purchased a birthday present for my stepdad Clegg.  I didn't get a bunch of help from my blog readers, so I had to go to this website called BirthdayPresentsForPeopleYouLoveButAreHardToBuyFor.org.  It a website on which you can input the person's interests, their dislikes, and their annoyances and it will give you a list of things that they might find useful.  So I picked the most interesting thing on this list.  It's a floatable wheelchair.  That way, when he wants to enjoy the water, all he has to do is just drive off the edge of the pool.  It will get there late because, if you remember, I have to send it by parcel post.  But I think it will be worth it.  Clegg likes novelties like this.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Angry Sithes

I know it sounds redundant, but it's true!  Ever since Padmae stopped the Jeddi football team last week (thus stopping the whole SWFL [Star Wars Football League]), we have been noticing an increase in heat from the dark side of the galaxy.  We have also been receiving threatening letters.  We find them on the cafeteria counter or the toilet seat in the Jeddi temple bathrooms.  They are all one liners that say things like,
"You had a lot of gall
to gain weight and stop football."
or
"You'd better beware
when you don't play fair."
or (my favorite)
"Your fat will make chances slim
of ever eating chocolate again."

Anyway, we all know who's sending them -- and I have an idea that darth Sideous's uncle (Darth Hideous) is writing them...I mean, did you see that bad rhyming?  But the icing on the cake was applied when yesterday we received a letter with "Darth Sideous, 18 Dark Side Way, Upper floor, Death Star 33986" on the return address label.  It contained a short and peppy note.  It read as the following:
Dear Jeddi Council (and any other interested parties),
We are going to surprise attack you on Wednesday, April 15th 2010.  You'd better be ready.
Since this is a manly brawl and not a childish "to-the-death" fight (and on account of the fact that we don't want to lose any Sithes) we will fight with taser swords.  Be ready.
Worst Regards,
Darth Sideous

We sent a letter back that asked if perhaps Padmae could fight them...since she was the one who stopped the football team.  We didn't receive a reply.  I think they were pretty sure that Padmae would cream them all.  So we are fighting the Sithes.  I mean, REALLY fighting them.  Not just playing football against them.  We have posted Jeddi at all the entrances and have armed every person (even the janitor) with a lightsaber (er....taser sword...).  This will be fun!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The Broken Vase

Last night was my second THEATRE & DRAMA class.  It didn't go too bad.  Ms. Glopinshorfindal asked for a demonstration of my ballerino talents.  I gave them one.  I think I merely took their breath away!  I was so good that she asked me to get off of the stage before I finished my demonstration.  Ms. Glopinshorfindal also told me that she I needn't pay for the broken vase.  Wow!  But right after that she begged me to get off of the stage.  Anyway, she seemed grateful for the demonstration but for some reason, was very interested in moving along in the class.  After the broken vase, she taught us more animatedly then ever.
Last night I didn't learn too much about THEATRE & DRAMA, but I did learn that if you want to keep your instructors happy with you, you shouldn't break anything too early on in the class.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Saturday

Saturday is my stepfather's birthday.  (Clegg Lars)  Padmae and I, if you will remember, have this deal where she pays from her abundant wealth for any birthday present I find and I find the birthday present.  This works pretty well for everyone except the women.  They are IMPOSSIBLE to buy for!
I figure I'm pretty safe with Clegg.  I'll probably buy him a paint job for his wheelchair or a new tie or something....
But I have to pick whatever I buy soon because I have to send it by parcel post.  (Padmae will pay whatever is necessary for a present, but she refuses to pay the (in her words) "ungodly shipping prices of today.")

Saturday is also Hon's second appearance as a clown.  I don't think I will go this time taking into consideration what happened last time...

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Addicted to Greens?

I got back into the house today.  No more sleeping under the stars.  I have lost a large amount of weight.  Unfortunately, I can't stop eating vegetables.  They kinda grew on me.  I will, however, do what I can to get back to my normal diet of fudge and fried chicken.

Friday, April 9, 2010

In a Pickle!

Not only that, but I will probably have to eat greens for the next couple of days!  I have........ah..........neglected to mention the fact that Padmae has been getting steadily more irritated with my increase in weight gain lately.  It has been for our football team, but she still hasn't been happy.  She was upset when I broke the couch, crabby when I popped the tire on my ship, but she was livid with anger when on Wednesday morning she had to call the fire department because I got stuck in our front door.  I was late for a Jeddi council meeting. Thankfully, the Jeddi temple doors are larger than ours.
Anyway, when I got back, Padmae wouldn't let me in.  She called through the window that if I ever wanted to get back inside, she suggested that I lose some calories.  She also mentioned that this was the end of our football team.
So I have been eating at Frank's Greens Market 3 times a day and running around the neighborhood in my spare time.  I would take advantage of the Jeddi temple dorms but I would get stuck in those doors too.  They are kinda small.  Obi-Won loaned me his laptop today so that I could write a post.
Anyway, the Sithes, the Wookees, the Bounty Hunters, the Gunguns, and the Storm Troopers are mad at us.  They halfheartedly attempted a couple of football games in our absence, but, to quote darth Sideous, "It not the same without those #$%^^#+@!$# Jeddi!"
I hope to be able to fit into the door within a couple of days (I can lose weight fast when I want to.)
Master Obi-Won, if you remember, didn't gain more than a couple of pounds and thusly can still fit in the shower.  So he has become our new dieting coach.  We will begin to lose poundage now.
Ugh.  Just to think, this was all the fault of our front door.  I should have thought ahead when we were building our house and ordered it a couple of sizes larger!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

THEATRE & DRAMA

Last night was my first THEATRE & DRAMA class.  It didn't stink too bad.  All they did was role call.  Then the teacher introduced herself to us as Ms. Glopinshorfindal.  (I'm sure that there is an accent mark somewhere in there, I just can't remember where.)  She also asked if we had any skills that might come in handy in a THEATRE & DRAMA class.  A couple of people said that they had acted snow white or a leprechaun in some play in third grade.  The teacher already looked tired.  I guess she heard things like this in every class she did.  She then asked if we had any other skills OTHER than acting.  One guy said that he knew how to grill burgers and that his mom was known to say, "They're pretty good...if ashes are part of your regular diet."
I though Ms. Glopinshorfindal was going to faint now.  Then someone in the back said, "It IIIIIS Anikin!  Hey, Ms. Glopinshorfindal, Anikin here can do ballet!"
I looked at the speaker and I couldn't recognize her.  Then I remembered!  She had been family of one of my ballet classmates at the recital.  She had been in the crowd and had come to watch.
The teacher looked very gratified.  She called me up front for an example.  She said, "THIS is an example of a skill that might be useful in acting."
She thanked us all and everybody left...but me.  I had AFTER CLASS DETENTION!  Nah...I think she just wanted to congratulate me on being an example for the rest of the class.  Unfortunately, I have a feeling I will continue to be "an example" all through the rest of this "THEATRE & DRAMA" class!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The (Painful) Wookees

My neck almost broke on Saturday.  I am SUPER SORE!  Those wookees are painful to play football with!  Well, tonight is my first

Theatre & Drama

class.  Bleah.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

The Wookees

Today we are playing a new football team called the Wookees!  Chewy, Crunchy, and their cousin Cheesy are going to advertise during the game for Wookee Landscaping and Lawncare.  They may even play!  I like those wookees but my allegiance is to my team.  I will have no qualms about tackling one or two of them.  The only fear I have is BEING tackled.

Friday, April 2, 2010

I feel like an April Fool...

Yesterday was April Fool's day.  For those of you who took advantage of this wonderful opportunity of meanly tricking those you love, I am happy for you.  I however, was not on my toes yesterday.  The Jeddi at the Jeddi temple take April Fool's day very seriously.  Or...maybe not SERIOUSLY but they definitely enjoy it!
Obi-Won decided to switch our seats in the Jeddi temple.  All Jeddi sit the same place but each person has tailor made seats to fit their size and dimensions.  Master Yoduh has a small one and Master Ki-Adi-Mundee's is really tall.  Anyway, we had to get our seats fixed up to fit the new dimensions that we have acquired ever since starting this fattening diet for our football team.  Well, Master Obi-Won, strangely, has been staying pretty slim all through this.  I have been after him to eat more sweets (as I am the dieting coach) but he won't listen to me.  For some reason, against all odds, he is losing weight!  Anyway, he switched our seats and then he sat down in my big one.  Sure it was probably uncomfortable, but well worth the show I gave the whole Jeddi council when I came in for our daily meeting!
I waltzed in to the room, expecting nothing.  Then I sat down in my place.  I neglected to notice that master Obi-Won was sitting in a chair that you could have had a ballroom dance on.  But then, I was too busy trying to squeeze all my belongings into the chair.  I would manage to get the sides of my stomach between the arms, but then my stomach and my eyes would bulge out because of the strain.  I tryed for half an hour while the rest of the council watched in bewilderment.  Finally, I raised my hand.  Master Wendu said politely, "Yes, what is it Anikin?"
I said, "I think there is something wrong with my chair..."
Master Obi-Won had begun snorting half way through Act I and II of my experience and finally at this punchline of mine, he burst into giggles of rapturous joy.  I looked at him and for the first time noticed that he was sitting in a chair with A S carved into the side.  THAT WAS MY CHAIR!  Grrrrrr!   I glared at him and he jumped out of that chair like greased lightning.  I traded the chairs out and thumped down in mine with a grunt of disapproval.  I should be more prepared for these things...

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Padmae's Birthday

Next Monday is Padmae's birthday!  Yikes!  I never think of these things until the last minute!  I NEEEEEEEEED ideas please!  Anybody know what I can give her?

Oh, btw: Hon and Lea have  solved their problem with the wookees by encouraging those three to start a lawn service.  They also do tree shredding.  The good part is they don't need any equipment for that part.  They just do it with their bare hands.  And since they only have to pay for push lawn mowers, their prices are low.  So I am convinced they will get a lot of business.  Anybody want to hire Wookee Landscaping and Lawncare?