Friday, October 30, 2009

What a Relief!

Padmae is now back! She got back yesterday, very late. She said her trip had been very successful and the senate had decided that the vehicle fumes were not the pollution problem. They said that our Nubien cows were more trouble for the ozone layer than our vehicles. So, Nabu would have to have a huge burger party and get rid of all our cows. That would be catastrophic, however, for all the mothers whose children are already looking for an excuse to stop drinking milk!
Anyway, she backed me up in my discipline of Fuzzy. For that I am grateful. Now, to jogging and beyond! I have some cholesterol to work off!

Monday, October 26, 2009

The Terrible Two

Sorry I haven't written a post in forever!  I have been working my fingers to the bone trying to take care of everything while Padmae is gone.  Fuzzy and I have formed a truce, however.  I promised not to spank him or be rude to him if he treat me with mutual respect (the only reason I spanked him was because of his disobedience.)  R2De2 has been acting up, though.  He seems to have the firm belief that my toothbrush was made just for oiling his nuts and bolts!  I finally had to give the thing to him after three attempts at running it through the dishwasher.  For those who don't know, oil is impossible to get off of toothbrushes.  See3P0 has been a savior to me!  He has made all the meals, taken Dood out for walks, and all other miscellaneous things that I am unable to do due to Fuzzy's and R2's trouble.  I find myself saying more and more to these two what I said to Luke and Lea when they were 2-year-olds and I was taking care of them while their mother was at the store.  "Just wait till Padmae gets home!"

Friday, October 23, 2009

I Am NOT A Fire Hydrant!

Disgusting!  Gross!  And obviously naughty!  That dog of Padmae's that she left with me while she went to Nabu during this "Global Warming Crisis" is very rude.  I think that Fuzzy is disobeying just for me.  He distains me and now that Padmae is out of the house, he took his opportunity!  First of all, when I took Dood out for a walk, Fuzzy ran out the front door.  I spent 2 hours driving around in my ship trying to find him.  I finally found him, popped him in the passenger seat, and drove off.  He bumped my cappuccino, spilled it all over my new ship carpet, and stained it (the carpet).  I stopped the ship, spanked him, and threw him in the back (I hope Padmae doesn't find out that I spanked her pampered pest!)  I finally got him home, walked Dood, and then came home to find that Fuzzy had knocked over three lamps!  I am so glad I left my laptop in the closet!  Anyway, while I was cleaning up the mess, Fuzzy took that moment to mistake me for a fire hydrant or mailbox or tree sapling or whatever it is that dogs like to make "oopses" on.  By then I had had EEEENOUGH!  I threw Fuzzy into a broom closet (without forgetting to give him one of those spanks he seems to be becoming so fond of.)  Then, I went to my room, changed, and had to burn my Jeddi Robe.  Rats!  That was one of my favorites!  But I don't trust even our washing machine to wash off all of Fuzzy's mess!  That dog and I had better have a man-to-dog talk one of these days...

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

It's Killing Me!

*Gasp, gasp...gasp!* I just got back from a (prescribed) run around the neighborhood track that they have in our park. I left my charges in the capable hands of See3P0, my butler, until I could get back. I am in need of a coke and a good nap! How come the powerful winds only blow on one side of the track? And it always happens to be the side that I'm running in the direction of the wind! I guess what I'm asking is, "Why doesn't the wind blow and help me run when I get to the other side of the track???" Ugh.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Sorry Guys...

Sorry I haven't written about birthdays and all that jazz lately.  I've celebrated them and given my fam great presents, but what with bowling and this global warming stuff, I haven't remembered to tell you, my faithful readers, about it.  I'm sorry.
Speaking of bowling: last night was our last bowling night.  It was fun.  I got a 180 game (you are as surprised as me!)!  No mishaps this time (and thank goodness!)  This has been a fun class, but I'm glad it's over.  Now my toes can have a break!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Global Warming...Yeah Right!

There are many people on Nabu complaining about Global Warming. They say that our ships are putting out too many exhaust fumes and they are complaining to the Queen and Senator of Nabu to do something about it. She (the queen) thinks that it is all just a bunch of phooey and that all these people are making a big deal about nothing. Granted, we are experiencing a climate change, but who's fault is it? But she asked Padmae (who happens to be the Senator) to go to the Senate and ask them if there is anything in this complaint. I mean, what could the Senate do if Global Warming WAS hurting our poor planet? We can't just stop all the vehicles on Nabu! Anyway, I heard somewhere that it could possibly be a natural cause instead of a cause by humans and aliens. In that case, how could WE help?
However, Padmae still has to go. So, since Luke is gone to the Space Academy every day and Lea is married, guess who gets slapped with the job of taking care of R2De2, See3P0 (our butler), my Wukerfilmydoodle, and Padmae's poodle? Yours truly.

Friday, October 16, 2009

High Cholesterol

The battle against my high cholesterol goes on.  I jogged 6 miles this morning and plan to do 7 the tomorrow (my force powers are out of shape!)  One thing my doctor said I have going for me is the Jammin Jeddi band Master Wendu, Master Yoduh, and I have.  He said that was good exercise.  So we decided to work on our second album.  But what I am dreading right now is another "sugar free night."  Padmae tries so hard to make my desserts sweet without sugar (bless her heart, the kind soul) but I'm afraid it's not the same.  However, on the off chance that she might read this, I will mention that I would prefer to have sugar free dessert than none at all!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

You Gotta Be Kidding!

My doctor, Dr. Pimply, surpassed my expectations and said that I had high cholesterol. That stinker! Give me a break! Think about it, the last time I mentioned on my blog that I had something up on the cholesterol chart was back in July. And you know that I won't mention any food I eat unless it is exceptional. So even if I have had too many sugars and fats, I haven't enjoyed them enough! My master is probably overjoyed while reading this. To make matters worse, Dr. Pimply told me that I would have to start my jogging up again! Ugh! This just takes the cake!  Literally...

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Dread it like death!

I have to go to the doctor tomorrow. And no! This is not one of the proverbial "walks in the park" with the spinning, flowery umbrella. This is one of those awful things I have to do periodically. I dread it because Dr. Pimply NEVER has anything good to say. I'm always "flabby" or my "eyesight isn't up to par" or I'm still "pigeon toed"... He reminds me of a pessimist I used to know. This pessimist always thought that I complained too much! Ha! That's a laugh! Anyway, if I were a doctor like Dr. Pimply, I wouldn't want any mirrors in my house because I would become a pessimist who constantly finds something wrong with himself. Eh...it's a hard life.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The Deadly Souvenir

Last night was our second-to-last bowling night. I'm going to miss these. They have brought a lot of extra color into my normally dull life (sarcasm.) Anyway, all went well. I didn't turn the Heavenly Lanes Gift Shop into a mountain of shattered glass like last time. And since I wasn't thrown out prematurely this time, I was able to do very well. I actually got a score of 96 last night! No strikes, but who can complain?!
So, since I was feeling so good about it, I decided to buy a souvenir from the gift shop. I bought a humongous, fire-engine red bowling ball. I believe it weighs nigh on to 29 lbs, but that is just my opinion. Anyway, on the way home from Heavenly Lanes, I was unwisely carrying this prize and driving our ship at the same time. (Mr. "Stiff-joints" isn't able to drive) Suddenly, I noticed that the traffic light in front of our ship was yellow and bound to turn red at any moment. I slammed on the brakes and then the bowling ball decided to travel in the direction of my feet. My toes are really sore right now and I am developing what looks like the beginning of the largest bruise in history! I don't think bowling is for me.

Monday, October 12, 2009

It's Been Fun

Well, Mark's parents will pick him up tomorrow at 9:00 AM. This has been fun. I think if we ever get together again, we ought to hold a practical joke party and invite all my funloving friends. (But Padmae might be opposed to it. She says that I was a very bad example while he was here.) Anyway, yesterday we had our last big practical joke battle. I decided that my whoopie cushion wasn't powerful enough a prank for this occasion. So I went to the store to look for the following three supplies so I could make my own practical joke: rope, a hose, and an automatic door opener. Here is what I did; Mark had decided to go with Luke (since Luke is commuting between the Space Academy and our house, he gets to be home on the weekends) to watch a movie. Luke had gone to bring the ship around and Mark was "fixing up his hair." So I had only 5 minutes to set the thing up. I tied the rope across the floor 7 feet from the door. I had already set up the automatic door opener for Mark. Then I went outside and sprayed water all over the dirt in front of our front door. Mark came running down the stairs (he was late) and flew over the rope. The automatic door opener recognized his hairdo flying in its direction at the speed of 130 mph and opened the door out of pure fright. Mark flew headlong out into the muddy area I had just created. He got up, brushed himself off (as well as he could) and walked back inside for a change of clothes. I, laughing, went into the garage to feed Dood for the morning while Luke waited patiently in the ship.
As I opened the garage door, I had the strange sensation of something slimy and disgusting enveloping me. I looked up and saw that Mark (or somebody else. He is my best guess) had set up a bucket of some homemade goo to fall on whomever came into the garage first. That boy really likes goo! Anyway, he has my respect. He was taking quite a chance that Padmae might have gone into the garage before me and that would have definitely ended our fun!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Electrically Charged

Well, everything is hopping over here. Actually, mainly just Mark and I are hopping around due to the recent electric shocks we received from each other. Like I said, I had a baseball cap that gave you a respectably powerful shock when you put it on. Don't worry, it's not fatal. It's not even (too) painful. I have tried it millions of times. I knew that Mark would be wise to me giving him another practical joke out in the open, so I came up with a plan. Mark brought this hat that says "I *heart* Pizza." So I paid some money I got from my raise and got somebody to sew red words that looked exactly like Mark's hat and said the exact same thing. (I had to pay a little extra because I think the lady that was sewing the hat kept getting electric shocks. I guess that ticked her off.) So I took Mark's pizza hat and traded it with my shocker hat. Then, a couple of hours later I said, "Hey Mark! Let's take Dood out for a walk!"
He must have been wary because I normally don't invite him out for walks like that. But he wasn't wary enough to stick a finger in the cap before he put it on. I heard a sharp "YIKES!!!" And then some creature with a pom-pom looking hairdo came down the stairs. On second glance I perceived that he was actually my nephew! I laughed and he said, crabbily, "You can go on your walk alone today, Uncle Ani." Still laughing, I went outside.

Then, an hour later, I came in the door and, having taken a 3 mile walk, was hungry for some kind of snack. So I went to the fridge. Still wary, I checked all doorways for buckets about to dunk me and everywhere I walked, I watched the floor for tripping ropes. Finally, I got to the fridge safely and opened it. Mark had rigged some contraption on it that shocks you when you open the door. I am still recovering. Then Padmae just about died laughing at the supper table when her two pom-poms came downstairs to eat the necessities of life. And I decided in that moment that I need a haircut!

Friday, October 9, 2009

That Boy and His Goo-Gun!

Okay, it's like this. Mark, the boy I was planning on doing practical tricks on has caused a lot of trouble. First off, when he arrived, I held out my gum practical trick thingy. He fell for it, with a "Why thank you Uncle Anikin!" and pulled the piece of gum out of the packet. It pulled the mouse trap contraption and snapped his finger. He hopped around a good bit and then, gritting his teeth, smiled and said, "That was a - pretty good trick - Uncle - Ani..." I smiled benevolently and said that yes it was. But, then this practical joke thing backfired on me. It seems that Mark brought his own set and had already planned on using them on me. For instance, he had this goo-gun that would squirt whoever came across it's laser first. He had it set near my computer because he knew I would be the only one to go in that direction. I, like a bumbling fool, crossed the laser. I happened to hear the gun getting its goo ready so I looked in the direction of the sound, saw the gun, and backed off. The only negative to this brilliant defence method was that the gun missed me and hit my laptop. I had to buy a new one (grr!) But, hey! This one goes a lot faster!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

My Bad...

Sorry for neglecting to write a post for so long.  Padmae has been after me day and night (well, actually just day) to do chores so "Mark will feel right at home."
Last night was bowling night (again).  We have 2 more of these classes and then See3P0's joints are officially "loosened up" according to his mechanic.  What I want to know is why can't I be his mechanic?  I mean, I made him and everything.  The mechanic he goes to says I need to take better care of See3 then I have thus far.  (But, come on!  Can't he put WD40 on HIMSELF for a change?  I feel like a dad with a spoiled child...)
Anyway, bowling went great.  I didn't get a strike again, but I probably would have if I hadn't gotten thrown out halfway through our class.  (I found out; those guys at "Heavenly Lanes" don't take to kindly to one accidentally throwing a bowling ball in the direction of their gift shop...)  I hope they'll let me in again next week...
 
Mark arrives in a couple of hours!!!!  I'm excited!

Friday, October 2, 2009

Mark

This'll be fun!  Beroo and Owen Lars (my step-brother and his wife) are having their 25th anniversary next Tuesday and are celebrating by going on a second honeymoon!  So guess who gets slapped with their son (my nephew) Mark?  ME!  But hey!  I think this will be a blast.  It's not every day that you get to play pranks on your nephew for a WHOLE WEEK!!!  *laughs evilly*...  Whoopee Cushions?  Check!  Gum that snaps you when you grab it?  Check!  Baseball caps that give you electric shocks?  Check!  Here we go!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

A RAAAAAISE!!!

Well, I handed in my blueprints for the Awesomely Fantastic Creative Jeddi Starfighter on Monday.  Master Wendu finally got back to me this morning about 30 minutes ago. He said that he LOVED the starfighter (and especially liked the color).  He said we would have to talk about having bean bags for the seats, but he said everything else was great.  He did mention that the radio wasn't necessary, but I disagree.  Anyway, he said that I have a raise now!  So, whoohooooo!  I can now buy more Xbox games!  I think it was the purple paint job that did it...