Wednesday, March 31, 2010

One more thing?????

My life is full right now.  This is obvious...  What with working in the circus full time job as a dieting coach for our football team...and still trying to figure out an answer to the Solos' hairy dilemma with their wookee staff I have been overloaded!
NOW Padmae wants to throw another thing on me!  She wants me to take another class.  I say ANOTHER because I took a bungee jumping class last year and the year before that I took ballet.  Bleah.  That wasn't fun!
Anyway, now she wants me to take a class on (get this)............  


WHAAAAAA??????  I won't be able to STAND that!  All those men wearing tights and those women in dresses with hoop skirts larger than a couch.  The dresses, not the women.  Sheesh!  I'm already having a nervous breakdown.  Another thing I'll hate is all the ridiculous make-up I'll have to wear.  Hon has it better than me!  To be honest, I would rather be a clown...

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

You Missed a Spot

Sorry I haven't written posts for a while.  I have been really busy.  See, on Saturday we had a football game against the Storm Troopers.  We lost 14 to 24.  But hey!  That's not that bad considering we were playing a professional team!
After the game, I went straight to the circus.  Sure I was stinky and sweaty, but I didn't have time to take a shower!  Anyway I put on deodorant before I left.
I brought my camera and was going to get some good pictures of Hon as a clown but I ran into some trouble.  See, there was this acrobat who was doing some dangerous stunts dangerously close to where I was sitting.
I yelled up at him, "Hey!  Watch what you're doing up there!  Do you want to come down on my HEAD?"
I don't think he had noticed me until then and he looked down very surprised.  However, he was in the middle of a back flip.  He fell with a thump to the dirt below like a bird dropping and then lay there.  The whole show was stopped and everybody came to see what was the matter.  I got there first and (with my Jeddi sensory techniques) figured out that a leg was broken and that there was something wrong with his face.  I soon found out, however, that the answer to the latter part of my investigation was just a scowl on his face and a glare in my direction. 
He went to the emergency room and I was hustled to the back of the circus to wait for the manager to have a chance to "speak with me."

The manager asked me what I was doing with a lawn chair in the middle of the ring and why didn't I use those nice bleachers that everybody else was happy with?  I told him that my friend was being a clown and I wanted to take a video.  He asked why I needed to come down there and do it.  I explained that my friend was a CIRCUS clown.  Light dawned on his face but he still wasn't happy.  He was also amazed that I had managed to get my lawn chair past the people at the door.  I explained that I was a Jeddi knight. BIG mistake.  That made him all the more mad.  So, he made me work on cleaning the circus equipment for the next few days to pay for the hospital bill.  Boy did he work me hard!  Hon wasn't any help either.  He just sat around in MY lawn chair watching me scrub the bars of the lion cage and saying periodically, "Hey!  You missed a spot."

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Stuff that's happening

First of all, Hon is going to be doing his first show as a clown in the circus on Saturday.  He has finally gotten down the juggling bit but I don't know if they are going to be able to put a red nose on him.  Many of you may have guessed from the movies, Hon is not the "red nose" type.

Also happening on Saturday is our football game.  We are playing against a team that was professional, but gave it up because the professional league was too easy for them...........and there were no other professional teams in the galaxy.  So this team (the Storm Troopers) has joined our unprofessional league and will play us Jeddi this weekend.

Oh, I almost forgot!  This really ticks me off.  Padmae bought Luke a new ship!  She said that he had been so responsible in getting himself a job and paying the repairs for my ship that he deserves a little help.  Come on!  She's already paying for that boy's college.  But...yeah.  I admit that I felt a little bad for him myself.  So I guess it's best.
Anyway, he's keeping his job as an armored truck driver and is saving up for....I don't know what he's saving up for.  I can't believe he's just saving up his money!  Don't you have to have a goal in mind or something like that?

Sunday, March 21, 2010


My fam's trip to my mom's house on Tatauine went well.  Luke AND Lea got to go (Luke, because he was on spring break and Lea, because Hon paused his clown education to come and Lea never leaves her husband EVER!)
As I said, it went well.  Well...all except for the fact that my stepfather wanted to go outside to play football with Luke and me because he had heard about the Jeddi football team.  We lost and were humiliated!  We expected it to be easier than it was because Clegg uses a wheelchair.  However, this time he used his superpowered wheelchair.  What made it especially humiliating was the fact that the teams were as follows: Anikin and Luke vs. Clegg and Lea.  She felt bad for him and took his side.  Two experience Jeddi football pros (okay...not exactly pros) lost to an old man and a GIRL!  I'm still nursing my pride and Lea isn't helping by walking around with that satisfied smile.  Neither of us will forget this for a while!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


Luke is on Spring Break!!!!   We are going to leave today to go visit my mom's house!  I just hope she won't shove anymore salads down my throat!  But wait!  I'm on a fattening diet so she won't be allowed to.
Oh...that reminds me: I haven't written a post for the past couple of days because I have been too sore to go to the computer.  Why?  Well...just because.  Oh, you want to hear about our football game?  Well............WE WON!  We won 13 to 10!  Haha!  Our diet has paid off!

Saturday, March 13, 2010

About to get beat!

I'm about to go to play football against the Sithes.  Since our team got organized, we probably won't get destroyed.  But we will most probably be creamed!  Our fattening diet has been moving and we are getting rounder, but it's going slow.  Well, here goes nothing!

Friday, March 12, 2010

A Hairy Dilemma

Well, now that Hon has a job, he and Lea can move out again.  They are going to rent an apartment in the neighborhood.  Remember before they got married, I mentioned that Chewy and Crunchy were going to be their servants?  Well, now they are moving out and Padmae offered to hire Chewy and Crunchy for them again.  (You know how rich we are!)  Anyway, when they hired the two walking carpets, Chewy mentioned that a cousin of theirs was looking for work.  Lea said she would have to think about that.  They asked us and Padmae said, "Sure, have all the money you need for this."  Butlers are very important to Padmae.
The only problem is that those two are in a small apartment during the day with three, ginormous wookees!  I feel for my poor daughter!

Oh, BTW: Luke finally paid for the repairs to my ship.  He will buy his new one as soon as he can save up for it.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Argyle Socks and a Polka Dotted Tie!

Well, hahaha!  This is just too funny! Do you guys remember when Hon lost his job with Smuggler's Inc?  Well, he has been playing on their football team as a volunteer lately, but he really needs a job that pays (he's been eating me out of fudge and home lately!)
But, guess what?  A traveling circus came to town and he filled out an application.  He put down that he wanted to be a ringleader, but since he wore argyle socks, a plaid business suit, and a polka dotted tie, the manager told him he would be perfect for a clown!  He didn't want to leave Lea, but the Circus said that they would be in town till June because of all the business they were getting and that he could work with them until they moved out.
You have to understand, ever since 2 years old, Hon has wanted to be a clown.  But his personality, shall we say, doesn't fit the part?  He's taking a crash course for juggling and has already thrown a couple of hammers into my TV set.  I'm about to go to Jeddi Mart to buy a new one and then come back home and try to talk him into learning to juggle balls first...
This will be very entertaining!  You can be sure I will buy tickets to every show from here till June!  Pass the popcorn!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Not Walloped too Bad...

Saturday's game didn't go perfectly, but we don't have much to complain about.  We haven't really gained any weight and/or built muscles yet.  So 16 to 7 wasn't too bad!  We ACTUALLY GOT AN ENDZONE!  We are overjoyed.  I have been reading up on muscle building activities and I think I will be a good Dieting Coach.

Oh, by the way: Ki-Adi-Mundee finally has a helmet.  Master Obi-Won (who is now the official Head Uniform Manager) went to and found a family owned store that sold all sorts of sport helmets for aliens of the Ki-Adi-Mundee species.  Their store was called Helmets for Big Heads.  When Master Obi-Won told me about his new purchase, he suggested I buy one.  Very funny...

Friday, March 5, 2010

Anikin's Get Fat Instantly Formula

Uh oh.  I'm expected to have the Jeddi Football team ready soon!  I consider myself a pro at getting fat quickly.  I have a certain formula for doing it.  I call it Anikin's Get Fat Instantly Formula.  It has three simple steps: eat, eat and don't exercise.  The only problem is that I have to help them retain their strength while getting...ah larger.  I went to a health web site yesterday and had a live chat with a professional doctor.  I explained my problem and he said (among other things which I won't print here) that I was crazy and that if we wanted a good football team we should talk to Drew Brees.  I'm not sure who he is, but I think I heard that he won the superbowl on earth recently.  I sarcastically thanked the doctor and told him that Drew Brees was lightyears away.  I don't think that chat ended very well.  He already thought I was nuts...
Anyway, I have to have the team ready soon, like I say.  AND BY SATURDAY!!!  We are playing the Smugglers/Bounty Hunters on Saturday (they really should split into two teams or change their name.)  So, that being said, any hints or tips would be much appreciated!  To bad Drew Brees doesn't read my blog...

Thursday, March 4, 2010

They're Joking...Right?

The Jeddi held a council yesterday.  All the council members were present (naturally) plus all the football players who aren't council members.  This included Luke and Briingluy Aft.  Master Wendu, being the chairman and all, spoke first.  Here my transcription of this event:

Wendu: Dear Council members...and Luke and Briingluy.  I don't know if you have noticed but our football team has not been doing as well as we should like.  I mean, first of all, the Sithe's beat us 78 to 0 and the Gunguns beat us 41 to 3.  (I think the reason we did so well on the last game was because we happened to be organized...)  Anyway, I think we need new management.  Why?  Well because -

Yoduh: [mumbles something unintelligible frowning at the floor]

Wendu: Master Yoduh, if you have something to add please share it with the rest of the cla - er, council.

[Master Yoduh happened to be sitting next to Master Wendu and he whispered something to Master Wendu.  Master Wendu looked up and with an embarrassed glance around him, continued.]

Wendu: Uuhhh, right, not that the old management (namely our beloved coach) has not been doing his best.  And our Head Uniform Manager (that would be you Anikin) has been doing admirably well considering the - ah, er...obstacles that were in his path.  But, what I mean to say is that we need an EXTRA manager.  Or rather, a different kind of coach while keeping Master Yoduh as our coordinator for the games.  In other words, we need a drastic change in our plans.  Master Obi-Won...

Obi-Won: Thank you master Wendu.  Well, as you know...

[I didn't know, but then, nobody tells me anything... anyway, back to Master Obi-Won]

...Master Wendu, Master Yoduh and I have been talking a lot lately and what this team needs is a change in our eating habits...

[you don't know how many times he's had this lecture with me, but it was always about me needing to "stop the cookie intake"]

We need to go on a...well, a....

Yoduh: Diet Fattening!

Obi-Won: Yes, thank you Master Yoduh, a fattening diet.  That way we can gain the weight we need to be able to win some football games.  So we need a Dieting Coach to train us in gaining weight.  But, the Dieting Coach needs to be able to train us to retain our muscle while gaining some weight.  And, Anikin, the council has elected you...since you tend to be good at gaining weight.  I will take over the Head Uniform Manager...Master Yoduh and Master Wendu unanimously voted me in for that [he glared] but I think that over all, this team will begin to improve!

I was in a trance.  Could this be really happening to me?  Could I really have the wish of my life and actually be allowed and even ENCOURAGED to gain weight?  I smiled, but then caught myself.  This could be another practical joke.  I looked at their faces carefully for a glimmer of a smile.  But no, they were SERIOUS.  Well, I'm going to have to read up on the muscle building activities...but in the weight gaining arena, I consider myself an experienced ace.  Bring on the fudge!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Creamed. Again.

We played football against the Gunguns on Saturday.  Boy did they cream us!  That is why I haven't written in a while.  I am just now getting all my bruises healed and have, this morning, been able to limp over to the computer to write for all you faithful readers.'s not all that bad.  But those Gunguns are still pretty feisty.  First of all, they are tall, so no interceptions were made.  Second, they are very strong, so no points were made except one field goal.  They beat us 41 to 3.  Ouch. 
In football news, the bounty hunters are now accepting team members from the smuggler arena as well.  So that means that my son in law, Hon Solo will be part of that team.  Oh no!  That means that, unless Chewy isn't interested (he just bought a new sports-ship and he washes it every weekend), he will be on their team.  I don't know how we will start to win some games this season!  We really need a drastic change.......somewhere!