"Being Stingy is Never Wise"

Yesterday was the long-expected surprise attack by the Sithe.  It was an amazing battle to watch!  every time someone got hit with a taser sword, they would shake a little and then fall on the ground in shock.  They would, however, be back up in a 5 minutes or so and join the fray.  Only the best of the best lightsaber fighters rarely got shocked.  Master Yoduh, Master Wendu, Darth Sideous, and Count Dukoo.  I'm afraid that my proxy, Hon Solo, didn't fair so well.  My fans were wise to advise against me hiring him.  When he got out of that battle, he looked like he had gotten his finger stuck in an electric outlet -- several times.  I tried to communicate with him and give him some helpful tips via the headset I bought him.  But, I guess being cheap has negative consequences.  I bought the headset at a garage sale...on the last day...half-off.  They didn't work too well.  For some reason, our reception was broken up by a Hispanic Radio Station in the area.  They had this annoying song that played the whole way through the battle...  Something about "ser tacaño no es prudente" which I think means something like "being stingy is never wise..."  Ugh.
Anyway, now I'm in hot water.  Hon is after me with a death look and all his poker buddies from the Dorky Clown Bar are joining him in his search.  On top of that, the Jeddi think it was Hon's fault we lost the battle so they are blaming me!  I think I will remove to my mother's house until this blows over (or at least until the end of the weekend.)