They're Joking...Right?

The Jeddi held a council yesterday.  All the council members were present (naturally) plus all the football players who aren't council members.  This included Luke and Briingluy Aft.  Master Wendu, being the chairman and all, spoke first.  Here my transcription of this event:

Wendu: Dear Council members...and Luke and Briingluy.  I don't know if you have noticed but our football team has not been doing as well as we should like.  I mean, first of all, the Sithe's beat us 78 to 0 and the Gunguns beat us 41 to 3.  (I think the reason we did so well on the last game was because we happened to be organized...)  Anyway, I think we need new management.  Why?  Well because -

Yoduh: [mumbles something unintelligible frowning at the floor]

Wendu: Master Yoduh, if you have something to add please share it with the rest of the cla - er, council.

[Master Yoduh happened to be sitting next to Master Wendu and he whispered something to Master Wendu.  Master Wendu looked up and with an embarrassed glance around him, continued.]

Wendu: Uuhhh, right, not that the old management (namely our beloved coach) has not been doing his best.  And our Head Uniform Manager (that would be you Anikin) has been doing admirably well considering the - ah, er...obstacles that were in his path.  But, what I mean to say is that we need an EXTRA manager.  Or rather, a different kind of coach while keeping Master Yoduh as our coordinator for the games.  In other words, we need a drastic change in our plans.  Master Obi-Won...

Obi-Won: Thank you master Wendu.  Well, as you know...

[I didn't know, but then, nobody tells me anything... anyway, back to Master Obi-Won]

...Master Wendu, Master Yoduh and I have been talking a lot lately and what this team needs is a change in our eating habits...

[you don't know how many times he's had this lecture with me, but it was always about me needing to "stop the cookie intake"]

We need to go on a...well, a....

Yoduh: Diet Fattening!

Obi-Won: Yes, thank you Master Yoduh, a fattening diet.  That way we can gain the weight we need to be able to win some football games.  So we need a Dieting Coach to train us in gaining weight.  But, the Dieting Coach needs to be able to train us to retain our muscle while gaining some weight.  And, Anikin, the council has elected you...since you tend to be good at gaining weight.  I will take over the Head Uniform Manager...Master Yoduh and Master Wendu unanimously voted me in for that [he glared] but I think that over all, this team will begin to improve!

I was in a trance.  Could this be really happening to me?  Could I really have the wish of my life and actually be allowed and even ENCOURAGED to gain weight?  I smiled, but then caught myself.  This could be another practical joke.  I looked at their faces carefully for a glimmer of a smile.  But no, they were SERIOUS.  Well, I'm going to have to read up on the muscle building activities...but in the weight gaining arena, I consider myself an experienced ace.  Bring on the fudge!